Midterms are almost over, Valentine’s Day is here and hysteria is upon us.

In the 1800s doctors were popularly diagnosing a widespread disease among female patients known as “hysteria”. The diagnosis was chalked up to a misunderstanding of symptoms like anxiety, restlessness or “sexy thoughts.” The solution? A “pelvic massage.” Literally the invention of the vibrator.

Yep, 19th century doctors’ offices were looking like the legal equivalent of a happy-ending massage parlor, but for women.

So why am I telling you this? 

all art by Peyton Stotelmyre / Daily Nexus

Women don’t always feel comfortable talking about self-pleasure, especially compared to our male counterparts. So here is a safe, private space for you to learn more, and even consider trying it yourself for this V-Day (if you haven’t already). To begin my persuasion, let’s present the facts.

Here are the top 10 reasons to give yourself an orgasm, according to ~science~:

  1.     It can normalize your menstrual cycle.
  2.     It can increase fertility.
  3.     It can prevent CANCER (by helping detoxification, digestion and mood).
  4.     It relieves stress (obvi) and can help your mental health.
  5.     Induces deep relaxation (Can’t sleep? Problem solved).
  6.     Promotes healthy skin (cheaper than Proactiv).
  7.     Helps fight COLDS AND FLU (It’s winter, Gauchos!).
  8.     Cures migraines and relieves other types of pain.
  9.     Increases the hormone oxytocin which is linked to passion, intuition, social skills (the hormone of bonding and success!!).
  10. It feels good.

Instead flipping through your mental black book in an attempt to salvage a semi-worthy candidate to booty call, just D.I.Y.

Speaking of worthy booty calls, it’s rare to find someone fully capable of helping you reach that big O. Don’t believe me? I asked a focus group of fellow Gaucho girls and asked, “How many sexual partners have you had? How many of them gave you orgasms?” The answer — as expected — was largely disparate.

Out of the seven women interviewed, three of the girls had more than 10 sexual partners, and not even half of their partners led them to orgasm (between one and two partners made them come). On the other end of the spectrum, four girls had more than 30 partners and experienced orgasm less than 10 percent of the time (1-3 of their partners).

And here’s more science to back me up. In the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, more than 1000 adults were asked about their most recent sexual experience, and the results showed that 91 percent of the men climaxed during their encounter, compared to only 62 percent of women.

So is climaxing all that important during for women during sex? I asked the focus group, “Is orgasm necessary for you to consider a sexual experience good?” Most of their answers: No. “It’s fun and exciting for me to be intimate in general. I don’t have to reach an orgasm to enjoy the sex,” one participant explained.

And this is fine!

But let’s compare this to how important it is for men to finish. If a guy doesn’t climax during sex, women often feel guilty. A lack of a male orgasm may be perceived as something being “wrong” with you or him. But when the roles are reversed its supposed to be “all good”?

I am not going to bore you with the history behind this double standard or waste time right now explaining why women should orgasm just as much as men (they should, but that’s an entirely different article).

For this lovey-dovey, card and chocolate crap-filled day, take the time to love yourself! Literally! F the f*ckboys in your recent texts, f the couples on instagram, f the perception that this day is dedicated to sharing love and just be selfish! Just f — I mean, love — yourself!

Cardi Bradshaw believes you can make the world a better one if you learn to love yourself ;)