Sex can be compared to many different things, but I like to compare it to flavors of ice cream. I mean, everyone likes ice cream, right? Just as there is an endless variety of flavors of ice cream, there is similarly an infinite amount of ways to enjoy your sex; each flavor of ice cream can be compared to each of these said ways. Let’s take vanilla, for example. Vanilla is plain, ordinary, original, yet still satisfying. Vanilla sex, similarly, is traditional man-on-top missionary: slow, sensual and intimate. There are not a lot of people who strongly dislike the flavor vanilla, as there are not a lot of people who dislike the missionary position. But let’s be serious, you wouldn’t eat vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life without trying anything new, would you? Life could get a bit boring that way. That’s why all those other flavors were invented. Let’s go with chocolate. Though not quite as plain as vanilla, chocolate is still not the most daring flavor in the world; chocolate is like keeping it safe, like having sex with the lights off. Plenty of people prefer chocolate ice cream above all others, but maybe it is because they are afraid to try something new (no judgment here — new things are not always good things). Personally, I dislike chocolate ice cream to the highest degree, and as for my opinion on having sex with the lights off, well … I’ll leave that up to your imagination. Strawberry may be taking it one step further — let’s say girl-on-top. Chocolate chip is starting to get a little wild, so we’ll assign it the position of doing it doggy style. Just as millions of people are incredibly satisfied with these common flavors, millions are also satisfied with these common ways to have sex.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with tradition, but there are also many other flavors to explore! We’ve got rocky road, which basically explains itself; French vanilla (a little spin on the traditional, I imagine something involving a slutty maid outfit) and if you want to get really crazy, there’s always rainbow sherbet. Then you’ve got your ways of eating ice cream, with a cone (protection, yes?) or in a cup (a.k.a. ice cream au natural). We can’t forget about all those toppings! Chocolate syrup is always a nice addition, as is lube to your sex life. The variety of fruits and candies can be compared to different toys, costumes and forms of bondage — though sometimes considered unnecessary, because ice cream is pretty damn good all on its own, they seem to give it a blast of flavor, sending your taste buds on a joy ride they may never want to get off.
Sorbets and gelatos, though not exactly ice cream, can be considered as part of the same category. These types of ice cream can be compared to all other sexual acts, including anything to do with the hands or the mouth or even just your average passionate make-out session. I like to link sorbets and gelatos to those who have not found the right ice cream they’ve been searching for, those who are just not ready to try real ice cream, and, of course, those who are lactose intolerant.
All in all, whichever ice cream you choose is completely up to your discretion, because, as I said before, each of us have different tastes; however, don’t be afraid to experiment, try something new; be bold, daring and adventurous. It may lead to realms of pleasure you never would have experienced otherwise. Taking all this into account, I will leave you with an ending piece of advice: Though it is tempting and incredibly delicious, never rush into eating your ice cream; I should warn you that more often than not, it leads to a massive, reoccurring, head-splitting brain freeze.
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