By Kevin W. McCarty

Why do you do what you do? How do you do it so well? I’ll venture to say it’s because you’re addicted to a certain feeling. We all are. Some people draw lines in the sand, declaring some good feelings to be more acceptable than others. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion on this matter — and everyone has a right to decide what feelings are acceptable for their own circumstances — but when morality is laid down in law, it’s usually a recipe for a prime clusterfuck.

[media-credit name=”Ming Chen Shen” align=”alignleft” width=”250″][/media-credit]The Mormons out at BYU in Utah don’t have caffeinated drinks of any kind, including soda, because they believe their prophet Joseph Smith was told by God that “hot drinks are not for the body or belly.” The hot drinks back in the day were coffee and tea, so somewhere along the line “hot drinks” became equated with caffeinated drinks. Never mind the fact that cola is typically served cold; any habit-forming chemical is bad in the minds of the Mormons. The Book of Mormon also states, “All wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature and use of man.” So, while we’re using vague interpretations of scripture to justify lifestyle choices, I hereby invoke the Book of Mormon and declare that smoking weed is good and acceptable in the eyes of God. Don’t believe me? Well fuck you, ‘cause God told me so himself.

Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t celebrate any of the major holidays today because they believe all of them have false political or religious backgrounds, and are therefore ordained by Satan, ruler of the world. Considering the amount of funding the Drug Enforcement Administration receives, maybe Satan does rule the world. However, anybody who tells me I can’t have a Guinness on Saint Patrick’s Day can fuck off and go rain on their own parade. I love holidays; in fact, God just told me every day outside of prison is a holiday and should be celebrated with great vigor and enthusiasm. Doubt not my faith, heathen filth!

Adherents of political parties believe government is necessary to keep humans under control and that without such coercion, all society would collapse. Shit, I’d stop drinking caffeine and absolve my soul of political holidays before I’d believe that bullshit. Does a law compel me to continue living my life in a pleasant and productive manner? No, it doesn’t. But I do it anyway, because I’m addicted to a feeling. For me, the feeling is twofold: It is love and it is gratitude. Inebriants are irrelevant — those moments in life when I feel so absolutely grateful for my continued existence, as if I’m making sweet love to the entire world, are moments I will keep forever. They remind me that true good feeling must be earned through making other people happy — it cannot be taken from others by force.

Some people get by with the good feeling by knowing they are conforming to a set of rules they had previously agreed to abide by. Others get by with the good feeling knowing they are living every moment to its fullest potential — rules be damned. Some people move through phases of addiction to different good feelings. Others stay addicted to one good feeling for their entire lives. For me, I defer to the anarchist wisdom of the Pagans: “Do what ye will, an ye harm none.” In other words, I don’t care what you do, but if you fuck with my happiness then I will fuck with yours.

On the other hand, if you are a true friend of mine and you support my aims, then I will do whatever it takes to ensure you reach the Promised Land with me. Like true family, I would kill or die for you. Humans are endowed with unlimited potential and are capable of extraordinary feats. Many people squander their potential in pursuit of an illusory good feeling that was handed to them by political or religious ideology. If you have elected to forsake these illusions, favoring instead to seek the truth of your own natural happiness, I consider you to be family, whether we have met yet or not. We are on the same team. Let us gather a legion of all-star players and declare war on the haters. Power should be held by those who enrich life, not by those who drain from it. Why? ‘Cause God told me so!