It’s not easy being skinny.

[media-credit id=16616 align=”alignleft” width=”140″][/media-credit]As you can see by my measurements, I’m not exactly the thickest fellow. I’ve been this way my whole life. It can be annoying because it’s hard to tell when I’m out of shape until I’m wheezing my way down the grocery store aisle or I’m injuring myself playing FIFA ’11. But this quarter, I’m going to change that. How, you ask? By taking advantage of UCSB’s exercise program.

It won’t be easy. The 10 a.m. class start times are brutal, the actual exercise itself will be equally torturous and nothing excites coaches more than running fatties such as myself into the ground. Speaking of coaches, here’s the rundown of what I’m looking at:

Kathy Gregory – Elementary Volleyball

The Gauchos’ very own varsity women’s volleyball coach for the last 35 years. She’s registered over 800 wins, has been with the women’s program since it started and has done color commentary for ESPN. Her nickname is “The Queen,” for God’s sake. Basically, she’s far too qualified to teach me how to play this sport. So far, she’s given me the biggest physical challenge of the three coaches. Those backline-to-net shuffles are killers. But she’s also the loudest, funniest and most charismatic teacher so far. She jokingly yelled at a kid the other day and he looked like he was going to cry. Awesome. Plus volleyball is made for tall people, and I’m tall. No worries here.

Mircea Badulescu – Elementary Soccer

A childhood full of golf gave me hand-eye coordination. Foot-eye, not so much. I am also not much of a runner despite my gazelle strides, nor am I very agile. On top of that, this class consists of nothing but playing soccer. No drills, no pointers, just the game. Badulescu seems cool enough, but I don’t anticipate much interaction because he observes rather than teaches. That being said, he has a cool accent, which is a big plus. The wildcard in the bunch, to say the least.

Charlotte Scatliffe – Intermediate Tennis

The first ESS class I took at UCSB was beginning tennis. I had no prior skills, but that class was such a fun experience that I decided to take another. Plus, probably due to the hand-eye coordination thing, I had a little bit of a knack for it. That being said, tennis is hard. There’s a lot of stopping and starting again and turning and starting involved. Don’t even get me started on the serves. Scatliffe is the current assistant coach for women’s tennis, and was a player herself from 2004 to 2008. She has youth on her side, which is good in a teacher. We play fun games, she’s already developed a rapport with some kids and is very personable. Spunky, even. But … tennis is hard, man.

So that’s the rundown. One week in, and I like to think I already feel a little better. Eating ice cream for dinner and downing my fair share of pitchers at Gio’s can’t be helping, but I’m committed to this. I promise to share with you my emotional and physical journey upon which I venture to exchange my man flab for a six pack. Or maybe I’ll just stick with the six-pack of Blue Moons in my fridge.