Today’s column is the last that I write as a student here at the University of Casual Sex & Beer, so I will babble in the form of a Life Thesis. In brief, I will articulate and defend what I call ‘The Unalienable Human Right to Direct Access to the Natural Environment.’ By virtue of the Law of Reality [that man will do what he can to survive], the Fact of Reality [the right to survive is not granted by state authority on any level], the Fact of History [drug plant species were domesticated by the human species before food crops], the Turn of Time [laws and rules reflect humanity’s values at a specific point in time], and the River of Fate [in order to fulfill his potential man must have all freedoms, including liberty to destroy himself in the course of exploratory innovation]. I believe that all great poets, saints, philosophers, doctors, innovators and happy human beings have at one point or other shared some variant of this philosophy.

Homo sapiens and Cannabis sativa were childhood play-mates. They’ve been pretty close buddies playing the louis life ever since. Unlike drugs that manipulate the pleasure-molecules within the brain, the cannabinoids in marijuana have their own pre-set neuron receptor. Most drugs crash the brain; but each human is designed to smoke cannabis. While the negative health effects of manipulator drugs are essentially indisputable, cannabinoids within marijuana have been found to reduce blood pressure, soothe pain and densify bone mass. Does marijuana sound like poison to you?

Marijuana does not kill brain cells. I’m surprised by the great number of people, even stoners, who still think that it does. The only ‘scientific’ study that indicates cannabis does kill brain cells relied on a method that supplied more smoke to the environment of their test mice than (most) humans are able to conceive without technical assistance from an Afghani torture team. The mice lost their brain cells because they were suffocating from lack of oxygen trapped in a box, not because they were “high”. I’m not sure who runs such laboratories, but I presume Karma will fuck them in the afterlife. Google it; search the Web until your life makes sense. Then write me a rebuttal to this Life Thesis and e-mail it to me.

Life cannot exist without Freedom — willful acts to restrict Human Freedom inevitably degrade the quality of life. God’s Law and Natural Law are one law: man will do what he can. No force can truly divide life, all division is an optical illusion created by the bias of your existence. As an example, no force can divide plant from animal — every animal exists as a consequence of the co-presence of plant life, just as plant life exists as a result of the co-presence of microscopic life. To interrupt the chain of life that connects humans to plants is a radical denial of the mechanism that makes life possible. A current piece of legislation in the U.S. Congress right now, Senate Bill 510, the Food Safety Modernization Act is a threat to life. Today, California keeps its cannabis illegal because of the ‘vague wording’ of Proposition 19.
Under U.S. Senator Richard “Dick” Durbin’s Rules:

1. All American farms and all food will be subject to control by the U.S. Departments of Homeland Security and Defense in event of a vaguely-worded “emergency”.

2. Any food produced or purchased on U.S. soil can be defined as “smuggling” under this legal framework.

3. The natural human right to clean, store and thus own plant seed in America would be taken away, putting control of plant seeds into the control of corporations such as Monsanto.

The Monsanto Corporation has a tactic similar to a heroin dealer – the hallmark of its trade is artificial stimulation and addiction. Its product strategy relies on a tactic that kills all aspects of life that have not been artificially manipulated by it. Its product is either chemically toxic or induces sexual sterility, inevitably resulting in the destructive addiction of its constituent consumers. Its signature product can kill a human being in milligram dosages. It does not recognize the idea that life can sustain and improve itself; it regards toxic and artificial stimulation as a necessary and desirable influence. Legal restrictions on both hemp and cannabis are only a bit less tyrannical than the idea of America’s food supply being controlled by the Department of Homeland Security. Life’s design should not be outsourced to Monsanto.

If the natural right of each American to cultivate his land is taken away, it will effectively kill the American economy. The Food Safety Bullshit Act would hand our human right to life over to corporations with no loyalty to the American people. The best they could do is to persuade each of the 50 United States of America through a 10th Amendment argument. This is fascist bullshit. They think we’re that stupid. Please don’t let them be right.

Understanding life as it is requires humility. If we don’t respect the idea of consistent reality, then our beliefs are only a matter of comfort. A “soft” type of mindset accepts fantasy as real, and no amount of logic can assuage willful ignorance. A “hard” mind doesn’t accept the soft think-paradigm. The hard mind is not able to accept a belief as if it is reality simply because it is comfortable. The advice of reason and intuition is primary; the body’s physical comfort is secondary. I doubt that any surviving organism was ever proud of a soft mindset.

A wild island castle party of fulfilled dreams and sexual fantasies await ye who can handle the revelations of the shaman’s tools. As you approach the castle, you will enjoy gazing through the mist at the sheer magnificent glory of the place in all its shimmering detail. Finally, at the edge of the forest of lies, walking through of a field of flowers (cannabis) you will witness your own royal coronation, as you rise to join the dance of serene, ecstatic joy nipping the tips of the top tower, firing fireworks through the turrets at birds that are immortal.

You know all those things you wish to do before you die? A person who has taken any of the natural drugs has probably done a lot of them already. Ask a person who has taken LSD, magic mushrooms or DMT about their philosophy of life. I bet that the word you use to label it afterward is not “hostile.” Even if they would fail a CPA certification or be unfit for military service, their attitude is likely more easygoing and striving to focus on the enjoyment of life. There are many whiners in life; somebody needs to show some collar-clothed apes how to get high. If you want to change your world, remember one thing: Friends motivate people more than laws motivate people – be your brother’s keeper.