All that glitters is not gold…

Friday, May 28, 11:49 p.m. — While Isla Vista’s finest were cruising down the 6700 block of Sabado Tarde Road in a patrol vehicle, they noticed a male UCSB student lying on top of a bike in the middle of the street.

Two girls were helping the 19-year-old off the ground, who had somehow managed to misplace his shirt and was covered with glitter paint across his entire face and body. Deputies approached the Good Samaritans, who noted that they didn’t know their new shimmer-coated comrade.

Cops asked the glittery Gaucho if he was alright and if he had fallen off of his bicycle, to which he was merely able to nod in response. Upon questioning, the sloshed student said that he thought he had taken a tumble on Del Playa Drive and that it was 2 a.m. He couldn’t tell the officers where he lived and was also incapable of standing upright without leaning on the patrol vehicle for balance.

Because the twinkling teenager was unable to care for his own safety, he was arrested and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed, pending sobriety.