Humpty Dumpty
Sun. April 18, 1:57 a.m. — Deputies responded to a call on the 6500 block of Sabado Tarde Rd. of someone throwing eggs off a balcony at nearby cars and passersby.

When officers arrived, they noted a car dripping with egg yolk just as they were welcomed by a descending egg. The 20-year-old male throwing the eggs darted inside the apartment complex as officers ran up the steps. The cops banged on the door until the resident egg-thrower finally opened up.

“I’m being arrested for throwing chicken at people in the roadway, it’s just chicken, smell my fingers and my breath, this is bullshit,” he announced to the officers.

After pointing out a completely empty 18-pack of extra large eggs, he continued, “I bought these eggs at the store, I can own eggs.” Officers searched the roadway for chicken or chicken bones. None were found.

After blaming his escapades on “another dude,” the 20 year old refused to speak further. He was arrested and booked at Santa Barbara County Jail for his “fowl play.”

The Fightin’ Freshman
Sun. April 18, 12:59 a.m. — Officers responded to a call of an unconscious subject on the 6500 block of Del Playa.

The male, who was supported by two friends, proved easy to spot. When the cops called out to the inebriated trio, one of the supporters nudged his friend in an effort to elicit a response but instead only caused him to fall to the ground.

The officers called the paramedics before noticing the smell of alcohol wafting around a 19-year-old resident of the San Miguel Residence Hall.

When a group of seven males emerged from a nearby frat house to watch the scene, the beer-soaked freshman called out, “Yeah, it’s none of your business, fuck you! Why don’t you go back inside!”

The freshman and the frat boys began to exchange some heated words. The officer then told the drunken teenager he had two options — leave immediately or face arrest. Apparently looking for a fight, the first-year responded to the request by pushing the officer in the chest and shouting, “Don’t fucking touch me!”

“Fuck you! Come on, do you want to go?” he asked the officer. And go they did. The deputy told the man that he was under arrest before wrestling him to the ground and handcuffing him.

After hearing his Miranda rights, the forgetful freshie explained he did nothing wrong and denied any aggressive behavior.

In response to his arrest, he noted, “I’ve been through this before, you guys aren’t shit!”

The feisty freshman was transported to Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.