I love Isla Vista. I love it so much. I love cheering as my neighbors return from walks of shame; I love unlikely, passionate and disastrous hookups; I love that even though most of us live within a mile of each other, when we randomly run into a friend on Del Playa or downtown it feels like a miracle has happened. And all of us are so hot. OK, fine, maybe not all of us, but I round up. In any case, I’m going to be leaving soon and I’m sad that I haven’t met all of you, so give me a call and say hi. My number is 650-279-1309 and I have AT&T, so if you’re on Verizon use a friend’s phone or something, because minutes ain’t free, yo.
I live with three other guys and we share one bathroom. Everything is fine except for one problem – the soap in the shower. See, there are four of us, but only one bar of soap, and it’s mine. When I ask my housemates about it, they say that they use their shampoo as soap, but I don’t believe this because whenever I go to take a shower my soap is already wet! I’m not a clean freak or anything, but I feel that bars of soap shouldn’t be shared, because everybody washes their whole bodies with it and I don’t want to touch the things that my roommates are touching. They don’t want to buy their own soap, so what should I do?
Guys can be pretty filthy, but they do have a limit; it is this limit that you must find and surpass. Here’s the plan: keep showering for the next few days, and don’t bring up the soap issue. This will lull your housemates into a false sense of security, during which they will continue to use your soap. Suck it up, you’ll be okay. Then, one night, over dinner, ask your housemates how they keep their anuses clean. They’ll look at you like you’re crazy, but you should act very innocently and say, “Yeah, because I just tend to stick my soap bar up my ass and twist around for a bit, but I was wondering if there was a better way.” I guarantee this will solve your problem.
My boyfriend has asked me to send him sexy pictures of myself, but I’m feeing nervous about it. He promised he wouldn’t show anyone and I trust him, but my friends are telling me I shouldn’t do it. I want to make him happy. What do you think?
I think it’s a great idea, because nothing could go wrong. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about guys, it’s that they are all respectable, mature, forward-thinking individuals who can be trusted with sensitive materials that all of their friends would want to see.
There’s nothing to fear because guys hate showing off or flaunting anything. Whenever they accomplish things, like winning a video game or getting their girlfriend to send them naked pictures of herself, they keep these accomplishments to themselves or write about them in their journals.
And really, it’s not even that big of a deal because guys are not visual; guys are emotional creatures. If he had asked you to send him a revealing poem, no way. That would have been too personal and it would have given him too much power. But a picture or two? Bah! To him, a picture of you naked is like the potential game-winning catch in a football game – he doesn’t really care about it.
So send him the pictures and don’t listen to your friends, because the two of you will never break up. And even if you do, everyone knows that guys are universally respectful of their ex-girlfriends, so he will promptly send back or delete anything you feel uncomfortable with. Guys can be trusted, honest!