Dishonorably Drunk

Sun., Feb. 21, 12:42 a.m. — A manly expletive (“Fuck!”) drifting through the air on the 6600 block of Sabado Tarde Road caught the attention of patrolling officers.

Looking around for the source, the deputies spotted a well-built young man staggering down the street, all alone. The officers approached the blatantly drunk man, who was later revealed to be a Marine, to check on his welfare.

After getting his name, the officers asked how much the 18-year old had had to drink. The muscular war machine informed the officers he had drank an impressive three drinks. Then when asked what he would do in an emergency, the trained military man said he would call his mom.

Moreover, the intoxicated soldier believed he was in San Bernardino, on his way to Camp Pendleton in San Diego County.

The officers were forced to inform him, however, that he would instead be heading to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.

The Boozer and the Bush

Fri., Feb. 19, 10:42 p.m. — Deputies on patrol on the 6500 block of Del Playa Drive were put to work when they witnessed a large bush get the better of a passing reveler.

A clearly intoxicated female was walking westbound down DP when she veered off the sidewalk and into a shrub, which engulfed her inebriated body. After disappearing into its thick foliage, the bush lover was spotted crawling on her hands and knees out of the hedge and back onto the sidewalk.

Back on her feet, the twiggy gal then walked between two parked cars and squatted down. When the deputies arrived some moments later, they caught the young lady with her pants down… literally.

Averting their eyes, the deputies waited for the 19-year-old woman to do up her pants and then sat her down on the curb to question her. When asked her address, she told the officers she lived at “6622 Abrego.” Seconds later, she told them “6255 Picasso.” Needless to say, neither was correct.

The lost drunk was given solace, however, when the officers arrested her: She didn’t need to worry about finding a place to sleep. The officers transferred her to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was housed, pending sobriety.