The Pantsless Partier

Fri, Jan. 22, 11:24 p.m. — A man staggering down the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive caught the attention of patrolling officers.

With chunks of vomit clinging to his pants, the inebriated man was all alone, prompting a visit from Isla Vista’s finest. The deputies asked the 19-year-old if he had any identification with him and he told them, in thick, slurred speech, that it was in his pocket.

The intoxicated reveler then reached into his pocket and, in so doing, pulled his pants down to his knees. Embarrassed, the pantsless partier tried to re-cover himself but was simply too drunk to do so. Luckily, the I.V. Foot Patrol are trained for all manner of situation, and one of the deputies was able to assist in pulling the exposed man’s trousers back up.

With one disaster averted, the deputies moved on and asked the beltless boozer if he knew what street he was on. He replied he was on “Isla Vista.”

While no doubt a reasonable drunken answer, the deputies formed the opinion that the wasted walker was just too drunk and arrested him for public intoxication. He was later transferred to the Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed, pending sobriety.

An I.V. Wizz

Sun, Jan. 24, 12:47 p.m. — Deputies on a uniformed patrol watched as an inebriated reveler veered off the sidewalk, stumbled over some landscaping and face planted into a hedge of bushes.

The officers, standing near the intersection of Camino Pescadero and Sabado Tarde, made their way towards the not-so-sure-footed drinker as he worked his way out of the bush. Getting to his feet, the 20-year-old made a step back towards the sidewalk, caught his foot on an innocent shrub, and went toppling back towards the ground.

The deputies arrived, helped the defeated drunk to his feet, and asked his name. He responded by muttering something undistinguishable. Not terribly surprised by the answer, the officers shrugged it off and asked him where he lived. While not quite a real street, his reply “Sabo Ardo” was at least close.

It was at this point that the deputies picked up on the rancid smell of urine wafting through the air, and a quick glance at the reveler’s crotch confirmed he was the source. The urine stains were not confined to his jeans, however. Dark spots on his jacket sleeves suggested he had also managed to piss on his arms.

Taking extra care not to get too much urine on their hands, the officers slapped cuffs on the pee-stained partier and transported him to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed pending sobriety.