I was more than happy to come up with the cash to buy two kegs and 10 handles for my 21st birthday party. For those of you who were at the hoedown the other weekend, it was awesome, huh?
At the party, I’d announced that I was raising money for a charity that helps provide people in Africa with clean drinking water. I did my best to raise money and what happened? Someone tore the donation box off of the wall and stole all of the money out of it. Am I surprised? Not entirely. Disappointed? Absofuckinlutely. Along with my bike and most of the food from my freezer, someone actually had the nerve to steal money from charity. I am disgusted.
Now don’t get me wrong, I know that we’re all broke college students and I understand cutting corners. I myself am an active member of the Isla Vista bike stealing community. Since my last bike went missing from the party, I picked up my sixth addition a couple nights ago – thank you, someone in Anacapa. I was also there freshman year, pulling up to Ortega with a duffle bag of empty Tupperware, ready to make that $11 meal ticket go as far as possible. Trust me, I get it. But never in my entire life would I even consider stealing money from charity.
Sure, budget cuts fucking suck, tuition is going through the roof, and even five-dollar footlongs aren’t always five dollars. But if you’re in I.V. enjoying a beer from my keg, you’re way better off than children in Africa who don’t have safe food, water, or shelter. These people have no other means of obtaining the necessities for life, and thanks to the charity thief, now more people will suffer. So to this thief, I hope you enjoy whatever you spent that charity money on. I hope that every time you take a drink of water, you think of the people in Africa whose thirst will never be quenched. I hope you realize that we are their only hope, and thanks to you, part of this hope is gone. In summary, fuck you. Fuck your mom. Eat shit and die. It’s assholes like you that give I.V. a bad name.
Um, you do realize that any student with an AS Directory that recently lost a bike can find you, right?
It’d be a real shame if a bunch of angry Anacapa residents headed over to 6730 Trigo (your address according to Facebook) to get themselves a new bike – yours.
And you do realize future potential employers can now look this up and see what a great, reliable, trustworthy candidate you are, right? Good luck trying to explain "I myself am an active member of the Isla Vista bike stealing community".
Where’s your concern for the poor college student whose bike you ripped off?
I like the cut of Ms. Pike’s jib
In addition to victims and potential employers, more charity theft enthusiasts can find you now too
Get some morals Clare
You know what would be funny? If the person who stole that charity money needed to purchase a new bike because they were a victim of your bike stealing.
Quit stealing all together and the world will be a better place.