The Puking Princess

Fri., Oct. 16, 11:22 p.m. — A group of men gathered around an empty lot at the corner of Camino Del Sur and Trigo Road caught the attention of Isla Vista’s finest.

As the deputies made their way toward the crowd, they spotted the group’s focal point: a young lady bent over vomiting in the grass. Several of the men had their phones out and were taking pictures.

The deputies then watched as the inebriated 18-year-old pushed herself up only to slip and fall face first into a pile of her own sick.

Wiping the vomit from her face, the drunken female righted herself and started to walk off, completely unaware she was being followed by the police.

A deputy grabbed her by the arm and tried to talk with the puking princess, but she was utterly unaware of her surroundings, making for bad conversation. Given that everyone else had scattered upon their arrival, the officers decided it was best to arrest her and transport her to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was housed, pending sobriety.

Parking Lot Blues

Sat. Oct. 17, 2:30 a.m. — Residents of 781 Embarcadero Del Norte were rudely awoken early Saturday morning to the obnoxious antics of one especially intoxicated partier.

According to the reporting party, the 20-year-old male had stumbled up to the apartment complex, of which he was not a tenant, and then proceeded to kick and bang on several apartment doors.

The young man’s run as the most insufferable idiot on the block was short lived, however. When officers arrived some minutes later, they found the rambunctious reveler passed out cold in the parking lot behind the building.

The deputies attempted to rouse the sleepy squatter but he was unable to do anything but crawl around on all fours. And if that weren’t enough proof, the large urine stains on the man’s jeans suggested he was too drunk to take care of himself.

Despite his self-professed desire to sleep in the parking lot, the officers offered something more comfortable, albeit just barely, and transported the infantile student to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.

Just a Beer… or 10

Fri. Oct. 16, 11:40 a.m. — After losing his balance and nearly falling to the ground, a lone partier found himself in the hands of the law.

Deputies patrolling the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive decided to stop the staggering 18-year-old, whose clothing was soiled with dirt, and check on his welfare.

The officers inquired into his alcohol consumption for the night, and the blatantly drunk man told them he had barely had anything to drink. His cover was blown, however, when he told the deputies he lived at 3022 Trigo Rd., which, unfortunately, does not exist.

The Santa Barbara County Jail, however, certainly exists and was happy to house the lost boy, pending sobriety.