Fast Times at Dos Pueblos High

Fri., Oct. 9, 11:11 p.m. – Officers navigating the 6500 block of Del Playa Drive went to work when they spotted a barefooted young lady leaning against a parked car.

The deputies walked over and asked the petite drinker how she was feeling, but her attempts at making conversation came out only as gibberish.

The officer then asked if she knew where she was, and she replied, “I’m 18. I’m 18. I know. I know.” He tried the question again, but again she muttered the same response. Ten times he asked, and always got the same answer.

But when asked her date of birth, the “18-year-old” told them 7-4-92, making her 17. When told this, she started to cry and tried to walk away.

But the officer caught a glimpse of her cell phone and asked to use it to call her mother. Once on the line, mommy told the deputy her darling daughter was in fact 16 years old.

The officers then walked the Dos Pueblo junior to the I.V. police station, where her mother was set to meet them. With mother and daughter reunited, the soon-to-be-grounded-forever young lady stood up to leave and immediately vomited on the floor.

But mommy was there to insist paramedics take her to the Goleta Valley Cottage Hospital, where she was housed, pending an unhappy conversation with the ‘rents.

A Friend in Need

Fri., Oct. 9, 12:43 a.m. – Deputies on patrol were dispatched to an apartment complex on the 6600 block of Del Playa on reports there was an intoxicated squatter in the apartment.

The officers arrived and the tenants told them that an unknown guy had walked right through the front door, vomited in the living room and then fell fast asleep on the couch.

Making sure not to step in his pile of sick, the deputies made their way toward the couch and found the 19-year-old man passed out face down in a pile of his own vomit.

After much effort, the officers woke the heavily inebriated man and got him to his feet. Having lost his shirt somewhere, the man was led out into the cold night air with dried vomit clinging to his bare chest.

Always willing to take in a friend in need, the deputies then transported the sleepy squatter to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.