Wine, a delightful beverage made from fermented grapes, has been around since 6000 BC and has held an honored place in across cultures ever since. Hard alcohol, on the other hand, entered the global party scene thousands of years later and has been associated with nothing but sin and debauchery.
To ease yourself into a nice, slow drunk, nothing gets the job done quite like wine. When I take shots, my throat burns for a few seconds and then I feel nothing for minutes. But wine goes down easy AND gets me smiling immediately. And let’s not forget history’s most influential wino: Jesus. Taking shots is really cool if you need to prove your manhood or something, but I swear nothing is sexier than seeing that hottie across the room uncork a fresh bottle of white, if you know what I mean. Plus, it’s always such a hassle when you have to remember to buy chasers/mixers for everyone’s drinks. Unlike rum, wine is always ready to party.
While wine has a classier reputation than hard liquor, it can also appeal to the college student for one obvious reason: it is cheap as fuck. A fifth (750 mL) of mid-range vodka will set you back at least $12. But 750mL of wine costs a measly $2. Plus, wino-ism is supported by the government–in the state of California, hard alcohol is taxed at a whopping $3.30 per gallon, while wine drinkers shell out just $0.20 per gallon, one of the lowest rates in the country. Clearly, Arnold is a wino.
College students should also appreciate the versatility of wine for a range of drinking games: wine makes a much better substitute for beer than does hard liquor (wine pong, anyone?). And that awful moment when a vodka-cran gets added to a kings cup already full of rum and coke will never happen with wine: white plus red just equals rose, and everyone wins.
So next time you are feeling just a tad too sober, invite over my good friend Charles Shaw and let the good times flow like sweet pink wine.