YOUR CHOICES

Soccer
The Scoop: Comes in indoor and outdoor varieties, with a plethora of skill levels and time slots for your convenience.
The Pros: Fun for guys and gals. High variety of days and times to choose from. Can headbutt your friend when the refs aren’t looking.
The Cons: Played either in the stifling hot MAC gym or on the weird rubber turf of the Rec Cen fields. Seriously tiring.

Basketball
The Scoop: The mainstay of SB intramurals. Boasts large participation and large range of competition levels.
The Pros: Fun at any level of play. Takes place in the Thunderdome (on the same court that UNC did!). No one likely to dunk on you.
The Cons: High level of bro-ness. Lame rules in co-ed play that give girls double points. Real possibility of getting your ball stolen.

Softball
The Scoop: The easiest of the intramurals and a great way to spend a lazy spring afternoon.
The Pros: Can be drunk and still participate. Requires very little physical effort. Watching your friends fail miserably at fielding the ball.
The Cons: Hard to motivate people to show up. Small leagues, forfeits aplenty and a long bike ride to get there might be why.

Flag Football
The Scoop: Want football? This is the closest you’re going to get at this school.
The Pros: It’s football.
The Cons: It’s filled to the brim with bros. And they’re way better than you. Rough.

Other Sports
The Scoop: Tennis, Volleyball, Ultimate and a bunch of others make up the rest of UCSB’s IM offerings.
The Pros: Gives you an interesting icebreaker: “Oh my gosh, you like Cricket too?!”
The Cons: That icebreaker actually isn’t all that interesting after all.

Not Playing IMs
The Scoop: Dude, we have like a million sports you can partake in and you still can’t get off your ass?
The Pros: Keeps you out of that pesky sun, and out of the judgmental gaze of other people.
The Cons: Being a total square. Bedsores. Severe boredom.

REASONS TO PLAY

Stay in shape
Turns out, in college you’ll spend the vast majority of your time sitting at your computer, or in class taking notes, or lazing around playing videogames or *Gasp!* reading. Also, beer has a whole bunch of calories. Liquor’s no better. Thus, to keep that perfectly sculpted form, you might want to actually be active once in a while. This can prove particularly helpful for the next point.

Meet a hottie (or ten)
Intramurals are filled with the more athletic side of UCSB, and in turn provide a great way to meet some really sexy people. Then you can make your move at the post-game “Damn, We Lost Again” conciliatory party. It’s the perfect plan.

Wear ridiculous outfits
Need an excuse to wear that neon green spandex top you wore as a joke a few Halloweens ago? If your team’s color matches your tacky clothing, you’ll not only be tolerated in your absurd garb, you’ll be downright applauded.

Build friendships
What better way can you bond with your hallmates, neighbors or random acquaintances than intramurals? Nothing brings people together like a common enemy, and those cheating bastards from the other team and that biased ref who wouldn’t give you a call fill that roll brilliantly.

HELPFUL TIP

So you’re thinking about starting an intramural team? That’s great! But there’s a really important step you have to take that could make or break the future of your team: the name. The right name can strike fear, confusion or any number of powerful emotions into the hearts of your opponents, while the wrong one will doom you to be the joke of the league. It’s no coincidence that the uber-successful IM teams of the Sports Editors had badass names like “The Rimjobs” (see column to the right) or “Channel 4 News Team” (Damn straight co-ed B-League indoor soccer champs of spring quarter). Don’t be that team called “Anacapa Rocks!” and proceed to advertise the fact that you’re freshmen and don’t, in fact, rock. While this may seem frivolous, you’ll thank me in the fall. Just don’t fuck with Channel 4 News Team.