There is always a heavily debated topic among basketball enthusiasts surrounding the question, “Who is better: Kobe Bryant or LeBron James?” Most of the time it involves fans listing a catalogue of statistics and accolades to validate their stance. People are so powerfully torn between the two because no matter which one you side with, there is a valid argument to back your claim. This squabble has even spilled over into the corporate world, as VitaminWater can’t seem to decide which of the two is better-suited to represent their product. I personally figured the answer was obvious; however, for those still stuck in limbo, allow me to illuminate the situation.
The primary reason Kobe isn’t fit to represent VitaminWater can be seen on the fateful March 2, 2002 when Kobe decided to chin-check Reggie Miller toward the end of a game, and in turn got tackled over the scorer’s table. After the game it was reported that Kobe had to be treated for head wounds while Miller was left unharmed. If Kobe had been ingesting even so much as a quarter of a Flintstone vitamin per day, this occurrence would have been a physical impossibility.
Next in line is Kobe’s altercation with then-Washington Wizards guard Chris Childs, who served Kobe a two-piece (right-left) punch combination. The Laker guard swung with a counter-punch and managed to beat the shit out of the surrounding oxygen. Childs, of course, was left unscathed, and the fight had concluded for him before it had even commenced for Kobe.
Inquisition to Laker fans: Is this the man you guys rally behind? Is this your warrior king? Your Maximus Meridius? Your Mufasa? Is this the leader you follow? Your Red Ranger? Your Jack Skellington? Your Tommy Pickles? I’m a Warriors fan, and make no mistake about it, the Lakers are and have been a much better team. But I would wager my hindmost greenback that Steven Jackson is losing NO fights to one Reginald Miller.
The most confusing part of the equation is that Kobe is usually the instigator. A very crisp example of this foolishness is when he threw that elbow at Ron Artest in Game Two against the Rockets. Artest is the same man who started a riot in Detroit a few years ago by scaling seven rows to deck a fan who threw beer on him. With that being said, why is Kobe trying to get himself involved in rambunctious fisticuffs with such a well-known goon?
I believe there is more to a human being than just a tally of fights; after all, he’s a basketball player, not a boxer, right? Well let’s dig into his persona then, shall we?
As we all remember, Kobe wiggled himself into a bit of a hot spot back in ’03 when he was being dragged in and out of court for an alleged rape case. The truth of the matter is, we will never know what transpired in that room so it would be unfair to pass judgment on him out of ignorance. However, what we do know is that while under tremendous pressure from both the judicial system and the public eye for his act of adultery, Kobe conjured a way to try to distract the public. He told authorities that he should have just paid his women off like Shaq did, adding that his former teammate has paid over a million dollars to silence these types of situations. OH SNAP! This Master Splinter (of the Ninja Turtles) look-alike was doing some real high-profile ratting. I’m not saying I support the fact that Shaq was messing around on his wife, but what I am saying is that it most certainly is not Kobe’s place to expose that type of information about the Diesel’s personal life.
In closing, 81 points is unreal, that’s somethin’ I can’t even do on Playstation. I most definitely respect him as one of the best to ever play the game of basketball, but if this were just about points you could make an argument for a handful of different NBA players to be the VitaminWater spokesman. I also feel compelled to state that this is not a hate article. I know pro-Laker and pro-Kobe fans will write this off as personal attack. I implore you to face the facts. I know you would like to believe Kobe is just a bunch of game winning shots and NBA championships but there is more to the man. I am merely highlighting some of the reasons why Kobe Bryant may not be the best fit for a VitaminWater campaign. Both his left hook and his character seem too feeble to endorse such a brand. So what do you think? Kobe Bean Bryant, or a young man who came out of the womb at 260 pounds with a full-grown goatee?