Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold
Sat., March 25, 1:30 a.m. – Officers on patrol on the 6500 block of Del Playa Drive when they were rudely interrupted.

“Fuck the Police,” shouted an intoxicated passerby, almost as if he was looking for trouble. The deputies were happy to oblige.

After stopping the 20-year-old, who was on his way to a large party at 6567 DP, the deputies asked the pugnacious partier to repeat himself.

But with Isla Vista’s finest in his face, the smack talker suddenly fell silent. Reveling in the irony, the officers goaded the inebriated man, asking him if he were too drunk to realize what he had said.

“No, I didn’t say anything,” he said, but the deputies were quick to refresh his memory. After some convincing, the man finally admitted to his actions, saying “I’ve had a lot to drink.”

The cops, however, were not sympathetic and arrested the man for public intoxication. A quick search revealed the man was also carrying a small baggie filled with leafy marijuana, like icing on the cake.

The 20-year-old was then transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed, pending sobriety.

No Burritos After Two
Fri., March 24, 2:26 a.m. – Deputies working the late shift were put to work when a late-night Bill’s Bus arrived in Isla Vista.

The officers watched as one particularly inebriated man exited the bus, made his away across the adjacent park and unzipped his pants. Unaware he was being watched, the 23-year-old let it flow, dousing the building he was next to in his own pungent smell.

Even though he hadn’t yet finished spelling his name in urine, the officers spoke up and kindly asked him to stop peeing on the building.

The aging UCSB student had a retort ready and told the officers it was okay, “because I keep this business going by purchasing burritos from them.”

Despite his stellar logic, there was one serious problem with his argument: He was peeing on the Isla Vista Neighborhood Clinic – a distinctly burrito-free establishment.

This fact notwithstanding, the man finished his business with the wall and then nearly fell over, prompting the deputies to arrest him and transport him to the Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed, pending sobriety.

Taxi Cab Blues
Sat., March 25, 11:48 p.m. – Officers were called to the corner of El Colegio and Los Carnernos Roads after an inebriated man refused to pay for his taxi.

The officers arrived and learned that the 24-year-old owed 60 dollars to the cab driver, who had tried collecting the tab repeatedly without success. However, after talking with the young man – who was sporting a suit and pink tie – the officers determined that he did not have any money to pay the driver.

Additionally, the Los Angeles native appeared to have no idea where he was. When asked where he had been picked up, the ride snatcher said he had left from Isla Vista. Then, when asked where he had wanted to be dropped off, he told the deputies Isla Vista, again.

As the officers processed his paperwork, the man became increasingly confused, at one point asking the officer where his car was and whether it had been towed. He seemed not to remember any car ride, however, and later refused to pay.

His reason: The cab driver was not in the country legally. The validity of this statement notwithstanding, the officers arrested him and transported him to the Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed, pending sobriety.