While it’s not customary for a newspaper to eulogize the dead before they kick the bucket, today we’ll make an exception:

Floatopia, the raucous party adored by thousands of Isla Vistans, will die this week in the annals of the Santa Barbara County Administration Building. It will have been four years old.

The cause of death will be dehydration, sources inside the Santa Barbara County Board of Supervisors say.

In its time, the hedonistic festival was known for celebrating excess and indulgence. It was praised by many in its infancy, and the community saw within Floatopia the makings of something great.

Then, however, the schizophrenia set in.

What was once a generous and caring festival began to lash out. A bottle thrown here, a fistfight there. Floatopia began running with a rough crowd, and soon enough the event was an accessory to serious crimes and injuries.

That’s when the law caught on.

Although the community vouched for the floating party, local officials decided to throw the book at the young festival. While friends fondly remembered Floatopia as a nurturing soul who engendered good will in all, the county saw only the garbage and violence that it left in its wake.

Despite cries for clemency or a second chance, the board of supervisors will vote this week to deny the festival its lifeblood. Within a matter of minutes, they predict, the beloved party will be but a memory.

A memorial service will be held for the festival tomorrow about 100 yards off shore. The event is survived by its bastard cousins, Halloween and Cinco de Mayo.