Editor’s Note: This article and all others included in today’s print and online issue are falsely formed for the sole purpose of the Daily Nexus’ April Fools Issue and do not reflect any form of truth or reality.
The Santa Barbara County Sheriff’s Dept. took the man UCSB students have come to know as Chancellor Henry T. Yang into custody last night after receiving an anonymous tip suggesting that Yang was not who he claimed to be.
After a weeklong, highly classified investigation, authorities announced that Henry T. Yang is in fact Tim Von Li, a fugitive from Wisconsin who eluded law enforcement agencies across the country for nearly 45 years. Von Li escaped from a high-security corrections facility shortly after being detained on several charges of disturbing the peace, wearing a mask for the commission of a crime and operating a vehicle without a valid license.
Although authorities had no prior reason to suspect the chancellor of nearly 15 years, Lt. Blago of the sheriff’s department said authorities received highly incriminating information regarding Yang’s true identity. According to the police department, the information came from a well-known figure in Isla Vista.
While Pirate has taken credit, the sheriff’s department has not confirmed the identity of their source.
“It seemed crazy at first, but I had a hunch, and I followed that hunch,” Blago said. “And what do you know? He’s been lying to you all these years.”
After escaping from Wisconsin using a series of stealthy antics gleaned from years of watching such classics as “The Great Escape” and “The Shawshank Redemption,” Li hitchhiked across the country, working odd jobs along the way. Once he reached Santa Barbara in the early 90s, Li assumed the identity of Henry T. Yang – a name chosen to portray an aura of sophistication – and applied for a teaching position at the university. He moved quickly through the ranks and became chancellor in 1994.
Yang’s engineering students expressed surprise that the complicated formulas and incredible theories they had been learning are purely figments of their “professor’s” imagination.
“This is an abomination, ” second-year chemical engineer Thomas Chuh, who plans to petition to have his grades changed, said. “Yang’s classes are the reason I don’t have a 4.0 anymore.”
The majority of students, however, appear to be most concerned with the realization that they will not be able to celebrate Halloween with the chancellor next fall.
“Partying with the chancellor was like, my goal before I graduate,” Shirley-Ann Morrison, a third-year zoology major said. “Now what am I supposed to do?”
William Dennis, the associate vice chancellor for public affairs, said the university staff was shocked by the news of Yang’s true identity.
“No one here could have seen this coming. … Yang was well respected in the academic community,” he said. “I find it hard to believe he’d never taken an engineering course in his life, but he’s taught a bunch and that has to count for something. … He’ll always be ‘Yang’ to me.”
Von Li’s attorney, who previously represented Steve Pappas in his recent “fraud” case, said that his client plans to spend his time in jail writing a memoir, which should be turned into a movie no later than next year.
There is no word yet on who will play the role of “Chancellor Yang.”
holy crap, an april fool’s joke that made me laugh. thank you daily nexus.