It’s been a long time and I really need to get some. I’m dying for some action! I need it two more times before we go off to Spring Break. I’m not embarrassed to admit it’s been over three months since I’ve really been pounded. That night last November made my toes curl and I was sore for days. We went at it for almost two hours straight. I haven’t had it that good in years. OMG! If memory serves me correct I think I came 6,000 times, I mean 6,000 came… to the UCSB-North Carolina men’s basketball game.

You remember my name don’t you? Thunderdome? Am I a once-in-a-blue-moon hook up or just a random, desperate booty call when you’re feeling lonely? Why don’t we do this on a regular basis, it’s so fun? Save your bullshit lies, I know you love Harder Stadium more than me. I see it in your eyes, Harder is your trophy girl and I’m just your slut on the side. You know, things used to be different at UCSB back in the day. I used to be the darling of ESPN’s Big Monday telecasts; I used to drop jaws; I was the one everyone wanted to bang and nobody even knew Harder Stadium existed. Do you hear me? Harder Stadium was a nobody! You lined up for hours to get a piece of me during my heyday and took a piss on the side of her. Yeah, things have changed. I hit the big 3-0 this year, and my box is all messed up right now. In recent years they’ve added yellow tape to the student section so students can’t stand courtside, they haven’t repaired or replaced my G-Spot, the Thunder-Meter, and all they’ve given me to excite and pleasure you with is some lame-ass blimp flying around. Yawn, yawn. I’d have a better chance hooking up with cold sores draped all over my lips than with all the crap I’m dealing with now.

I’ll be honest with you: I’m not looking for a relationship right now. Maybe next year we can go that route. Maybe we can start over in the fall, but all I’m looking for right now is friendship with benefits. Don’t text me, e-mail me or give me your cell phone number; I’ll just toss it. All I want is another session like we had back at the North Carolina game. All I want is a night of loud, sweaty, pounding, non-stop action where everyone stands and screams. Are you man or woman enough to fulfill my needs? Can you come close to the epic session we had back in November? Can you come close to performances of the past? Let’s do some serious romping! Can I whisper something in your ear, cutie? I would love a full-blown orgy Saturday Night – Senior Night – when the Gauchos play their last home game of the year against those dirtbags from Long Beach State. We could act out any fantasies you desire. Remember, you don’t have to choose between Harder Stadium and filthy old me – you can have us both. You can swing it up all year long at both venues and we’ll have so much fun! I’ll be waiting…