Hello Nexus reader! I’m Igor and I’m trying out this whole “advice columnist” thing. I’m probably not qualified for this, but when has that ever stopped anyone? I’ll be here to help you with anything that’s going on in your life, so write in. Send your questions to opinion@dailynexus.com, or if your problem is so heinously embarrassing that you’d die if I knew who you were, you can drop your question anonymously in the Opinion box in the Daily Nexus office under Storke Tower. Now, on to the advice.

Dear Igor,

I really need your help. There is this beautiful girl in my political science section. She has dirty-blonde hair, bright eyes and a gorgeous smile. She’s so smart, too, and I think I’m really falling for her. We’ve made eye contact a few times, but we’ve never actually spoken. I really want to get to know her, but I don’t know what to say. Help!

Thanks,

Nervous First-Year

Dear Nervous,

You’re not in high school anymore, buddy. The ladies of UCSB are mature, sophisticated and they know what they want. And if they want a man, they want him to be a real man, someone who’s interesting and sure of himself. Trust me, it’s going to be tough to show her you’re interesting if you just stare. So, your first order of business it to sit next to her. Don’t be scared — women usually don’t bite (and if they do, you’re doing something right!). Then, strike up a conversation. Ask her a question about class, say something funny if it’s of the moment, drop your freakin’ pen if you have to! Whatever you do, make it so that there is an exchange of words with eye contact. Be friendly, and smile as you talk to her. If she smiles when she talks with you, you’re doing well. After class, walk with her and mention something cool that you’ve done recently, like exploring Santa Cruz Island or hitting a huge wave while surfing. Now she thinks you’re a friendly, interesting guy. Good job, keep it up and don’t forget to write back with an update.

Dear Igor,

I’m writing to you with a roommate problem. Basically, she’s a little more comfortable with her body than I’d like her to be. Like last night, when she came out of the shower, she made her towel up into a turban, and then walked around naked for a few minutes before putting on her underwear. Meanwhile, she’s talking to me like it’s no big deal! Another thing is that she likes to sleep topless, which wouldn’t be a problem for me, except that by the morning she’s pushed her sheets down, so I have to wake up staring at her boobs! Ugh! I mean, the problem isn’t that she’s an unattractive girl. Actually, she’s got a great body because she does dance and cheerleading and stuff, but I’m just tired of all the nudity. What should I tell her?

Sincerely,

Overexposed Roommate

Dear Overexposed,

Hm. Yeah, oh yeah, this a serious, serious, problem. It’s actually so serious I’m having trouble concentrating on coming up with some advice. I think I might need to take a quick shower to clear my uh, my mind. I’ll be right back. (Four minutes later…) Sorry about that, but it’s like my mother says, Igor’s always taking showers! Anyway, you need to be honest with your roommate. Tell her that the sight of her pouting breasts makes you pout, or that seeing her bum is a bummer. If she’s a good roommate, she’ll understand and start covering up. And if she doesn’t, I’m always available for house calls.