East vs. West:

Unlike the West, the East has several players ready to show their stuff as first-time selections. Danny Granger, Devin Harris and Mo Williams should all go huge popping their All-Star cherries, and I have no doubt that LeBron will take down game MVP honors as a prelude to his forthcoming 2008-09 MVP award.

With a bunch of ungodly rich and wildly famous young men getting a weekend off in Phoenix, do you think anyone is going to give a shit about the game? Yes, one man will. Kobe is the only dude in the league who absolutely refuses to lose, and he’s going to be the only one even playing ball. I’m taking the West.

Dunk Contest:

J.R. Smith:
J.R. is about to introduce Phoenix to some slam-a-jams straight out of the hood.

Dwight Howard:
His shoulders are big enough to rip an elephant in half, let alone the rim.

Three-Point Shootout:

Roger Mason Jr.:
D.C. native Master Mace will join Mister Smith in laying the thug down this year.

Mike Bibby:
If one man can make it rain better than Pacman Jones, it’s Mike Bibby.