Did you know that there are still a large number of Americans who don’t believe in evolution, and instead embrace creationism? Of course you did, but you probably think that’s a bad thing because you’re a bunch of liberal elitist science-types. Anyway, I’ve finally debunked the dubious theory with one simple example: papercuts. I mean seriously, if evolution is so smart, why couldn’t we have just evolved into thicker skins? That goes doubly for you, A.S.

Tomorrow’s forecast: The ‘human narcissistically chuckles at the weatherbox, but accidentally gets a papercut when turning the page. Why God, why must you test me so by intelligently creating easily sliced skin?