Why must you have really loud sex in the apartment right next to mine? I mean, I know sometimes you have to let loose and go all primal and stuff but seriously – have a little courtesy. Not only are you keeping me awake at like 4 a.m. with your moaning and screaming, but you’re also making me jealous that my own sex life isn’t that crazy. It’s a double whammy. But I have a solution that will solve everything: Just invite your neighbors to join in! I mean, it even says in the Bible to love thy neighbor… and I’m pretty sure if Jesus had thought of it he would have added “and don’t scream bloody murder through their paper thin apartment walls in the wee hours of the morning” in there, too.

Tomorrow’s forecast: Isla Vista gets a whole lot swingier.