Daddy Issues
Sat., Nov. 15, 12:18 a.m. – Deputies responding to a call on the 6500 block of Segovia Road noticed a young woman walking westbound down the street with a lot of purpose and not a lot of coordination.

Officers watched as the inebriated woman stumbled sideways into a parked car and then continued on out of view. The deputies finished what they had been doing and drove toward Embarcadero Del Mar to check on the welfare of the stumbling passerby.

They found her at the intersection of Embarcadero Del Mar and Pardall Road and pulled up to ask her where she was going. She spat out a slurred and incomprehensible answer and quickly turned to walk down Pardall. The officers maneuvered their squad car and made to follow her.

Seeing that she was being tailed, the intoxicated 18-year-old tried to hide behind a parked van. Her efforts were unsuccessful and the police quickly found her.

A quick conversation with the drunken female was all the officers needed to determine she was too drunk for her own good and they arrested her. While en route to the Isla Vista Sheriff’s station, however, the young woman lost her shit and became hysterical.

She started accusing the officers of abusing her and repeatedly called out for her father. So adamant was she in her pleas to talk with daddy that a deputy gave in and called her father in the hopes of calming her down.

The officer got a hold of the dad and explained the situation and held the phone up to his daughter’s ear. They spoke for a few minutes and she appeared to calm down slightly, until the deputy took the phone away and the young miscreant spat on his face.

While the saliva was easily wiped away, the same cannot be said of the battery charge the 18-year-old received for her actions. She was later transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail where she was housed, pending sobriety.

Punch Drunk Denial
Sat., Nov. 15, 12:58 a.m. – An officer was on uniformed patrol standing on the 900 block of Camino Del Sur when he noticed a man stumbling down the street.

The deputy watched as the 23-year-old male nearly fell to the ground near a parked car, and then, as if it were the car’s fault he could not walk properly, he punched its fender.

The intoxicated man continued northward, punching numerous cars as he went. The officer yelled at him to stop, but he paid no attention to the deputy and kept stumbling down the street.

The officer caught up to the young man and placed a hand on his shirt for good measure. He could smell alcohol emanating from his person and asked him how much he had consumed. He replied, “Not that much.”

The deputy then asked why he had punched so many vehicles, but the man claimed to not remembering doing any such thing, and instead repeated, “I didn’t drink that much.”

Fearing not much more would be gained from talking, the deputy arrested the intoxicated car-puncher and transported him to the Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed, pending sobriety.

Parking Lot Tango
Sun., Nov. 16, 10:37 p.m. – Members of Isla Vista’s finest were dispatched to an apartment complex at 6711 El Colegio Rd. on reports of a man “acting crazy.”

An anonymous caller said that a clearly intoxicated middle-aged Hispanic man was going around the apartment complex banging on doors, yelling that someone had parked in his parking space. The reporting party said that he was screaming that he was “going crazy” and “I’m from Oxnard” – both causes for concern.

The police met up with him near the complex’s pool and subsequently followed him to the parking lot, where he walked to a white Ford Explorer. The officers contacted the drunken individual and asked him whose car he was standing by. He told the deputies it was his, and although he was holding his keys, denied having driven it.

An officer explained the call they had received and the 33-year-old claimed to have been asleep when someone knocked on his door and woke him. He then told officers that it was between 3 and 4 in the morning – which it wasn’t – and that he had just returned from work – which he hadn’t – and had not consumed any alcohol or drugs.

By the end of the conversation, however, he had changed his story, first saying that he had been woken by the police activity and had come outside to investigate, and later claimed that the deputies had knocked on his door and forced him outside in an attempt to arrest him.

He was right about one thing at least: He was about to get arrested, only for public intoxication. He was later transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed pending sobriety.