Thurs., Oct 23, 5:50 a.m. — Custodial staff working an early morning shift at Ellison Hall on the UCSB campus called the police after coming across a young man asleep outside a door to the building.

Isla Vista’s finest responded and found the inebriated subject lying upside-down on a handicap ramp. The deputies roused the man from his drunken stupor and assisted him to his feet.

The officers asked the sidewalk sleeper if he knew where he was and he told them he was in front of Manzanita Village. A deputy directed his attention to the large academic building behind him and again asked the man to describe his surroundings, but the 19-year-old adamantly assured the deputies they were at Manzanita Village and that the offices in Ellison were in fact dorm rooms.

The severely confused individual then told officers that he lived on Camino Pescadero, that it was just a short walk from Manzanita and that they should just let him walk home. Officers told him he was not close to Camino Pescadero and, despite assuring officers he was, asked if he could call his roommate to walk him home.

The deputies said he could and he proceeded to reach for his phone. His phone, however, was not there and the still intoxicated man became confused and looked to the officer to ask if he had his cell phone.

The deputy told him he did not have his cell phone, and instead arrested the young man for public intoxication. He was then transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed pending sobriety.

Mon., Oct 27, 4:11 a.m. — At approximately 4:01 a.m., deputies received a report of an intoxicated man trying to gain entry into a house on the 6700 block of Pasado Road.

The concerned residents told dispatch that the man had begun by repeatedly slamming his body into their sliding glass door, and when that proved ineffective, had moved around to the front door and was banging incessantly trying to gain entry.

When deputies arrived 10 minutes later, they witnessed the heavy set 28-year-old man square up to the front door, push himself forward and, with considerable force, slam the entirety of his excessive weight against the wooden door.

Despite the man’s sincerest and drunkest efforts, however, the door did not budge.

The deputies contacted the man and told him to stop throwing himself at the door, which he did. The officers then asked the man — who, incidentally, works for KjEE FM in Santa Barbara — why he was trying to get inside in the residence.

Not surprisingly, the heavily intoxicated male did not have an answer to this question. In fact, he could not say where he was, how he had come to be in Isla Vista to begin with, or whose house he was attempting to enter.

All he could say for sure was that he had consumed between five and eight beers that night.

That was enough for the deputies, though, who arrested the man for public intoxication and allowed him unobstructed entrance into the Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed, pending sobriety.

— Compiled by Travis Miller