Bong being repaired? Lighter hand broken? Lose the rolling papers again?

Have no fear, the cannabis chef is here! Cooking with weed is quite a rewarding experience. Eating “baked” goods always turns the daily grind on its head and happy high herbivores on theirs as well. Chowing on cheeba is quite a different experience than smoking it. Using the stomach instead of the lungs as a delivery system means a different metabolic pathway is used by the body. The primary active ingredient, Delta-9-THC, is converted into Delta-11-THC. Upside, a new mind-blowing high to distract from all responsibilities. Downside, it takes three times as much herb to get high. Patience is a virtue of the chronic chef as it may take an hour to feel the first effects. On the flip side, an extra delectable treat may have dank diners flying high for five or more hours.

Cannabinoids, the class of molecules exclusive to cannabis, are fat-soluble. This means that the active ingredients will dissolve in things like butter, milk and oil. For this reason, wash down any stony snack with a glass of milk. Now you are sure to get as high as possible as fast as possible. If time is limited, drop a quarter gram of hash or keef into coffee, tea or any other hot drink and add milk.

Dosing is the tricky part of cooking with cannabis. A standard recipe is an ounce of bud or shake to a pound of butter or three-quarters of a cup of oil. This is enough to make three batches of brownies with a little bit less than one-third of a cup of butter per batch. Usually a gram per person is a good dose. One batch will get six to 10 people baked.

On to the cooking! Fill a large pot with a few inches of water and put it on the stove with low heat. Place a smaller pan in the larger one so that it is partially submerged in the water. You can use a crock-pot on low setting instead of the pans. Now add unsalted butter or oil to the small pot. Clean the bud by removing stems, seeds and large leaves. Unless carpal tunnel syndrome is the goal, use a coffee grinder or blender to chop up the herb. However, if your hand grinder is the jealous type, use it to roll up a j to enhance the process — assuming lost rolling papers is not the primary motivation for this marijuana munching mission. Now add the bud to the melted butter. Let them hang out together for a minimum of one hour — six to eight hours is preferable. Stir occasionally.

After simmering, strain the butter into a bowl using a fine-mesh metal strainer. Take a spoon and really smash the herb left in the strainer to squeeze out all of the butter. At this point measure out the portion of butter for immediate use. Boil a cup of water then pour it over the herb on the screen and into the left over butter. Set in the refrigerator. Once the butter is congealed, remove and discard water. This extra step washes any remaining butter out of the herb and removes water-soluble plant matter from the butter. Any cooking done with washed butter will have less marijuana flavor, yet retain all of its potency. Violá! You now have weed butter that can be substituted into any recipe, and can even replace vegetable or olive oil in most cases.

If baking is not within your abilities, perhaps drinking your weed suits you better. Put ground-up herb in a glass jar and pour 151 or Everclear alcohol over it. Pour just enough so that the weed starts to float. Let it soak two to four weeks in the dark. Give it a good shake every few days. Strain out the herb before serving. Careful! It only takes a quarter to a half a shot to get high with this liquor.

Be inventive. Sure, brownies are great, but who wants to be a stereotype their whole life? Try oatmeal cookies, mac-and-weed-cheese, garlic bread, pesto, pizza or pancakes. Now go eat your heart out!