Blazing Saddles
Mon., May 26, 12:03 a.m. – Deputies in a marked police car came across a truck parked in a fire lane on Seville Road.

The truck was not empty, however, and before the officers could reach it, the vehicle pulled out and started heading toward campus. Unable to conduct a stop due to traffic, the deputies followed the vehicle, which eventually made a right onto El Colegio Road and then a left onto Stadium Road.

As the truck turned onto Stadium Road, the driver crossed the double yellow lines, prompting the deputies to pull him over.

While standing at the driver’s side window, the officer immediately detected the pungent odor of burnt marijuana emanating from within the truck. The deputy asked if there was any pot in the car and the driver admitted that he and his passengers had hot-boxed the truck earlier that evening. He then assured the officer there wasn’t anymore weed – or at least he couldn’t remember there being anymore.

The 19-year-old male then produced a brightly colored pipe, complete with burnt residue. The driver told the deputies the piece belonged to his passenger, however the man riding shotgun was unable to produce a valid medical marijuana card.

The driver was then asked to step out of the truck while an officer checked the vehicle for any hidden drugs. Unfortunately for this stoner, the floor beneath the passenger seat just wasn’t a good hiding spot and, after a short search, the deputy produced a small baggie containing less than an ounce of weed.

The red-eyed Rasta was placed under arrest for driving under the influence of a controlled substance and was required to pee into a cup. He was later released into the care of his sober passenger, pending a later court date.

Brown-Bagging It
Tues., May 27, 4:28 p.m. – Officers on an afternoon patrol received a complaint of an intoxicated subject disturbing pedestrians in Anisq’ Oyo’ Park.

Upon arrival, deputies spotted a 47-year-old male staggering about the park, yelling at an innocent bystander. As if his actions – and his breath – weren’t tips enough, the belligerent day-drinker was also toting a 40-shaped brown paper bag.

The officer told the man to take a seat, but before obliging, the drunkard poured out his beer and tossed the bottle behind him. Dutifully, the deputy went to fetch the litter.

The officer placed the bottle back in front of the elderly drunk, only to have him pick it up and throw it once more.

Deciding it was best to just leave the bottle as is, the deputy asked the man – whose eyes were bloodshot and watering – how much alcohol he had consumed. The man yelled back, “I don’t care. Take me to jail.”

The deputy didn’t have to be told twice. He arrested the man and transported him to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.