Mama Always Said…
Sun., May 18, 12:05 a.m. – Officers on a routine patrol down El Embarcadero spotted a rather young-looking male pestering passersby as he moved down the street.

The young man was rudely using both middle fingers to flip off those who passed, as if one “fuck you” wasn’t enough for the citizens of Isla Vista. Despite his slight build and young face, he seemed to be highly confrontational and looked to be itching for a fight.

Before he could find that perfect someone, though, he ran into I.V.’s finest. The officers asked the pugnacious punk his age and he truthfully replied that he was 15.

The officers saw that the 15-year old kid, who was in town visiting his brother, was carrying a backpack and asked him what was in it. He told them, “It’s just water in there. You can search it if you want.”

The officers, not wanting to refuse an invitation, opened the bag and found an open, nearly empty fifth of Taaka Vodka.

Upon seeing the deputy remove the alcohol from his backpack, the young gun quickly retorted, saying “Hey! How’d that get in my backpack? I was only carrying water. They must have put that vodka in there.”

Not caring to get to the bottom of this case, the officers cited the young whippersnapper with a minor in possession, as well as being out past curfew, and released him to his brother, pending harsher punishment from his mother.

Shrubbery Showdown
Fri., May 16, 12:18 a.m. – Officers patrolling the 6700 block of Pasado Road witnessed a man ungracefully weaving in and out of foot traffic.

So intoxicated was the young man that many of his fellow Friday night revelers stopped and watched him as he attempted to walk down the street.

Unfortunately, he also drew the gaze of the Isla Vista Foot Patrol, who stopped the unsteady stroller.

A deputy advised the 18-year-old male that he was very intoxicated and told the tipsy trotter that he wanted a word with him. The intoxicated male attempted to say something in return, but his words were completely incoherent.

The officer sat the tongue-tied man on the curb, but he immediately fell backwards into a rather large bush. Sitting back up, the drunkard attempted to say his name but once again could not be understood.

Fearing words wouldn’t get them any farther, the deputy asked if the man had ID. The drunk managed to answer “no.”

The deputy then asked the man if he could walk home, and received a “yes” in return. Yet when he attempted to stand up, gravity won the battle and the drunk found himself back in the bushes – and into a pair of handcuffs.

While awaiting his trip to the jail at the IVFP substation, the man had more issues sitting, this time mistaking a trashcan for a chair. Luckily he was too drunk to be embarrassed, and was eventually transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.

Two Cups, One Hangover
Sat., May 17, 5:19 a.m. – Officers were dispatched to the 6500 block of Cordoba Road on reports of a subject trying to gain entrance to an apartment complex.

The deputies arrived on the scene a few minutes later and went around to the back of the apartment complex, where they found the 19-year-old perpetrator hunched over a large puddle of his own vomit.

The officers asked the defeated reveler where he was and he answered by saying his last name aloud. His answer was the same when asked where he was from.

Hoping for a different answer, the deputies asked him where he was once more, and he incorrectly told them “Del Playa.” Not a bad guess, they conceded.

Next on the list of questions was his date of birth, which the drunkard told the officers was “six, six.” The deputy then asked how much alcohol he had consumed and he said, “two cups.”

Comfortable with their decision, the officers arrested him and transported him to the Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed, pending sobriety.