Have you ever noticed that whenever you open a bottle of shampoo or cut a piece of fruit and it’s facing in your direction, a little bit of shampoo or fruit juice always sprays in your eyes? Always. I don’t remember ever getting hit in the cheek or shoulder: It’s always right to the eye. And yes, you’d think that after all these years, I would have figured this out and aimed the bottle elsewhere, but I mean, who really expects to get hit in the eye with shampoo? Anyway, I bring this up because I got nailed in the eye while cutting a lemon yesterday, and it’s significantly worse than shampoo. I feel like this is something you should know. I guess George Costanza was right: Pulp can move, baby!

Tuesday’s Forecast: I’m not crying, it’s just been raining on my face.