Bowling for Bicycles
Fri., April 18, 2:08 a.m. – Officers patrolling the 6600 block of Del Playa Dr. were alerted to a public disturbance at an ocean-side party.

When deputies arrived at the apartment complex, they were greeted with a cacophony of noises, including the sharp crack of a window breaking.

Rounding the corner, the officers saw the source of the ruckus. There, in a scene reminiscent of “2001: A Space Odyssey,” stood a 21-year old male hoisting a black beach cruiser high above his head and screaming at the top of his lungs.

Officers then watched as the seemingly testosterone-enriched man hurled the cruiser toward a pile of bikes laying haphazardly in the middle of the walkway, perhaps in an effort to play bicycle bowling.

Unfortunately, the force with which he chucked the bike – or perhaps the copious amounts of alcohol he had consumed – caused him to lose his balance as he then fell backwards over several other bikes. Gutter ball.

Fearing that the man might hurt himself or another, the officers arrested him and placed the enraged man in handcuffs.

Once calm, the man told the deputies that some of the guys in the party had started picking fights with his friends and that he had started throwing the bikes because he “wanted to do something.”

With his motives duly noted, the man was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed, pending sobriety.

A Sense of Direction Worse Than the “Golden Compass”
Fri., April 11, 12:54 a.m. – Deputies approaching Pasado Road via Camino Corto Road watched as an 18-year-old female sprinted away from her sober escort and toward the uniformed officers.

The deputies halted the running reveler, who smelled strongly of alcohol and asked her where exactly she was headed. Matter-of-factly, the sprinter informed officers she was running home to her apartment on Abrego Road.

In a tone void of any joviality, a deputy tried to explain to the woman that she was running in the wrong direction and that Abrego was behind her. Despite the deputy’s sincerest efforts, the runner simply could not believe him.

In an attempt to convince the stubborn 18-year-old, the deputy told her to continue walking in the same direction to see how long it would take her to realize she was lost.

She did as she was told, but after a few steps became distressed and began to cry wildly.

Clearly unable to find her own way home, the officers housed her at the Santa Barbara County Jail where she stayed, pending sobriety.

Compact Cars Only, Pukester
Sat., April 18, 12:42 – A man loitering about in an empty parking lot on the 6500 block of Sabado Tarde Road caught the attention of Isla Vista’s finest.

The man was standing quite still in the poorly lit parking lot, hunched over the hood of a car that was not his own. He made no attempt to move when the deputies approached and when they asked what he was doing alone in a parking lot after midnight, he said he was simply trying to get home.

It was at this point that the deputies noticed that the 22-year-old man was covered nearly head-to-toe in his own vomit.

Relying on their rigorous training, the deputies deduced that the man was intoxicated and asked him how much he had had to drink. With chunks still clinging to his coat, the man confessed to drinking a whopping four “mixed drinks.”

However, when asked where he lived, the man could not, for the life of him, remember if he lived on Sabado Tarde Road or Del Playa Drive, despite the fact he had lived in the immediate vicinity for the past three years.

Convinced that the confused man was too drunk for his own safety, the officers arrested him and transported him to the Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed, pending sobriety.