The following article appears as part of the Nexus’ April Fools’ Day edition.
made u a cookie,” Fluffy said. “But I eated it.”
Others disagreed, citing the hot weather last week as a possible reason for the failure of the computer system. Anderson said that the malfunction came in spite of a recent improvement in the overall specifications of the computer’s mainframe.
“O hai,” Anderson said. “I upgraded ur RAMs. But it needed moar Internets.”
The effects of the outage were far-reaching. Nearly all of Isla Vista’s 20,000 residents were immediately affected by a cascading power outage as a result of the breakdown. Trigo Road resident Alexandra Major said her daily routine had been inconvenienced.
“UR DOIN IT WRONG,” Major stated in response to the breakdown.
Many victims of the power outage made the best of things and went out into the sunny weather, playing Frisbee, hitting the beach and staging impromptu picnics. Local restaurants were quickly overwhelmed by the demand. Deja Vu Café owner Sam Alexander said his establishment had sold out by 3 p.m., and he was waiting for a delivery truck to arrive.
“I can haz cheezburger?” he said. “Mah bizness is failin’. O noes!”
However, the day was not all fun and games. Isla Vista Foot Patrol Officer Danny Lewis said the loss of power led to anarchic conditions, including couch fires and increased thefts.
“Invisible bicycles,” Lewis said.
As of press time, representatives from Southern California Edison were not able to estimate exactly when electricity would be restored. Edison Spokeswoman Danielle Cassandra said technicians were working on the issue.
“Wait. I can fix it,” she said.