After years of working here, I’ve grown accustomed to the Nexus ladies looking up when I enter the office. For a long time, I attributed this to my God-given good looks, but it soon became apparent there was more at work here than just good genetics. And then it dawned on me. As I asked a copy reader to read my sports page – which isn’t as sexy as it sounds – she confronted me with a question of her own: “Why do you dress so well, Pavvy?” I came to a simple conclusion. You wouldn’t package a diamond in a paper bag, so why would you package yourself in something shitty? It’s simple logic, and it’s the reason I consider most people who top off their outfit with a hat complete douchebags. There are plenty of different kinds of lid lovers out there, and for the most part, they’re sending off negative signals.
Say you leave your house wearing a backward cap. You might think you look cool, but what you’re really telling the world is that one day, Chris Hanson is going to be interviewing you on “To Catch a Predator.” Next, we’ve got the group I like to call the “Chris Hoffmans.” These people are simply too lazy to do anything more than jam a green trucker hat on at a “seemingly random-yet-somehow-always-the-same” angle, thus telling the world they just don’t give a shit that day. The list of lids with negative connotations goes on and on. Yankees or Red Sox hats: You’re a front-running asshole. Dodger hats: You’re likely to stab someone. Visors: You burn easily. Beanies: You’re stoned. Trucker hats: You’re in a frat. Sombreros: You’re blacked out. Look, it’s simple. Ditch the lid, and you’ll ditch the negative connotation. It’s time to let your hair loose, unless of course you’re bald, in which case you should probably just stay away from the rest of society.