Here we are at week four: revving up for impending midterms, grappling with the fact we still haven’t picked up our readers at Grafikart… and oblivious to the quickly approaching pass time number one. Wait, seriously? We have to think about registering for spring classes already? Unfortunately, yes. It may be hard to believe because of the torrential rain, but pass times for Spring Quarter begin in early February. Yes, registering for classes can be painful – especially with those awful 13.5 unit caps for the first registration – but taking a class you ordinarily wouldn’t even think about taking can make the looming quarter a little bit easier to look forward to.
Anyone born with sexual organs can benefit from the frank material of the university’s infamous Sociology 152A – the class we’ve all come to know and love as Human Sexuality. What could be more fun than identifying herpes sores, genital warts and gonorrheal discharges? Learning about the best sexual positions and techniques with 300 other horny college students, of course! Did you know doggy-style is the position that gives men the best access to a woman’s notorious G-spot? Were you privy to the terrifying fact that only three percent of Isla Vista residents are responsible for 90 percent of the Sexually Transmitted Infection cases reported? Take human sexuality to learn how to both protect and please your genitals. Just don’t tell mommy or daddy you’re spending four units on learning how to have better casual sex.
If you’re looking to take a little less personal of a course, indulge in Linguistics 70 – Language in Society – where you’ll learn about accents, speech patterns, intonations and how all these linguistic signifiers interact with one another. Along the same vein is Sociology 136I – Interaction Analysis – which loads you with conversation transcripts to analyze. Sound a little too stodgy for you? Then consider one of the more sixth grade-type science classes. The College of Creative Studies Biology Dept. offers an amazing and highly unique “Walking Biology” course. The class meets once a week for three hours, during which intense nature walks and hikes are taken through the most beautiful parts of Santa Barbara County. Chasing those adorably obese snowy plovers, as well as learning about the birds’ danger for extinction, is an activity I may never have undertaken on my own. Other nifty science classes to consider are Geology 7 – Dinosaurs – and Geography 20 – the Geography of Surfing.
While it’s a little late in the year to begin taking Arabic, Farsi or Hebrew, the Religious Studies Dept. offers these language courses, much to the delight of our government. According to Craigslist, the starting pay for a government-employed Arabic or Farsi or Hebrew to English translator begins at over $140,000 a year. See if learning French or Portuguese will get you a salary even close.
You reading types might want to take a look at English 193 – Detective Fiction. When’s the last time you read Agatha Christie? A better question would be: When’s the last time anyone lent literary merit to her novels? By my calculations, it was sometime after Encyclopedia Brown and Pogs were banned from elementary school classrooms. You writer types should research all the Writing Dept. courses. The department offers everything from Advanced Topics in Creative Nonfiction – Writing 121 – to Writing for Economics and Business Economics – Writing 109EC. Explore the writing department and improve both your technical and creative writing skills with these intense, highly focused courses.
Of course, springtime is also outdoors time, so invest some time into the Exercise and Sport Studies Dept. too. For half a unit, and probably some sort of materials fee, you can add a crazy, fun workout to your rigorous school schedule. Offering everything from Elementary Boating and Sailing to Fencing to Aqua Aerobics, the department gives all of us overworked students a chance to integrate the beauty of spring activities into the bore of winter-y reading. The department also offers First Aid and CPR. This could come in handy after turning your binge-drinking buddy on his side to prevent him from choking on his own vomit fails.
Keep those notebooks dry, kids. Spring registration is right around the corner.