Bright, sportsmanlike tulips to all Gaucho sports for a great Fall season. Especially men’s and women’s club soccer for winning National Championship titles.

Putrid, shameful turds to selected members of Associated Students for their public humiliation of Michael Lambright.

Glowing, heroic tulips to all Southern California firefighters for braving the endless onslaught of October fires. Beers are on us, boys.

Unwelcome, gas mask-requiring turds to the protesters dressed like Binky the Clown for following a CIA speaker to his car. Protesting torture is good; harassing a guy isn’t.

On the other hand, courteous, Febreeze-soaked tulips to the protesters of Islamo-Fascist Awareness Week for showing us how to speak your mind and keep it classy.

Ash-kicking, apocalyptic turds to the Revelation-like onslaught of ash from the Zaca Fire. We still can’t get that spot of soot off the hood of our cars.

Unscathed, hangover-curing tulips to all Isla Vista revelers for the significant decline in arrests this Halloween season. But send your Soulja Boy costume back to the barracks.

Paranoid, prune juice turds to the court-ordered subpoena of photos from the Santa Barbara Independent. Perhaps journalists should just quit their jobs and become defense lawyers.

And finally: Spicy, monster-sized tulips to Freebirds for recognizing our need for the delivery of nachos at 3 a.m. Late-night munchies will never be the same.