Turkey day is coming up, which means a large feast with the family. Family get-togethers like Thanksgiving generally have everyone in a pretty good mood. The adults usually purchase the food and beverages, so you have one amazing night to stuff yourself with turkey and wine for free. One thing I have found to be fun at Thanksgiving is getting wasted with the family.
Studies have shown alcoholism runs in the family. Basically, if you can party like a Gaucho, chances are your parents used to party-hardy too. Get a little liquor in them and they will start to have fun and feel young again. The key is to push them past that last point of reason.
Last point of reason? Well, you see, in the real world, most people actually stop drinking once they start to feel buzzed. Absurd, I know. That moment when they realize they are starting to feel drunk is what I call the “last point of reason.” I know you probably don’t know what I’m talking about, and it took me years to realize people even did that. I always thought the goal was to drink until you aren’t making memories anymore, and then go make bad decisions.
Anyway, keep in mind your parents, uncles, aunts, grandparents and other family members probably have this last point of reason. Of course there is the exceptional Uncle Larry who will be passed out on the couch watching football with his pants off and a beer in his hand.
The key is to trick your folks so they don’t experience the last point of reason. One way to outsmart this point is by suggesting a drinking game. You can’t call it a drinking game, though. Possibly suggest the card game Dai Hin Min. This is a Japanese card game that means “Very Poor Man.” In reality, this very poor man is actually the equivalent to the asshole in the common drinking game “Presidents and Asshole” or simply “Asshole.” Adults love card games and have probably played some similar variation to Dai Hin Min. Once you play a round or two, start introducing rules that slowly convert the game into Asshole. The key here is to introduce the rules slowly. That doesn’t mean on the second round the very poor man is wearing an empty 30-pack on his head.
Another way to get wasted with your family is to make sure they are situated for the night. By this I mean make sure they plan to either sleep at the house you are feasting at, or they have a sober driver. Remember, adults are responsible and usually can’t just get wasted and walk a few blocks home like we can.
If your family is feasting at your house, make sure to have plenty of blankets, sleeping bags, couches and spare beds available for your guests. If it comes down to it, offer your bed and sleep on the couch so you can seen your grandma get wasted and tell embarrassing stories about everyone. It will be well worth it.
If your family is feasting at a relative’s house, wait until later to pressure them into staying the night. Make a slight suggestion or reference on the drive over. Once your folks have had a few, you and your siblings (if you have any) need to beg your parents to stay. Guilt-trip them however you must, and make sure your hosts are cool with it. You knew how to get your way when you were younger, like getting your parents to buy you that overpriced Technodrome for your Ninja Turtles that you always wanted. They have the same weakness now… exploit it.
Getting your family drunk with you shouldn’t be too difficult if you can outsmart them and make them comfortable for the night. If for some reason this doesn’t work, you can use toasts to make them take that extra shot or drink one more martini. Cheers to family, togetherness, Thanksgiving or the fact you haven’t seen your family in a while. It’s hard to say no to drinking more when someone puts a drink in your hand and everyone is toasting.
This Thanksgiving, take that Isla Vista spirit and fun to your family. Make your family feel guilty for not drinking, trick them and toast them. Keep these things in mind and you will get so drunk you may forget your cousin is still your cousin.