Sat, Nov. 3, 12:49 a.m. – Officers patrolling the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive observed a man staggering down the street.

The man lost his balance several times, falling to the ground, before standing up and trying again.

As a deputy observed the man, he saw that the subject was about to fall and kindly ran to catch him. The officer then prepared to arrest him, noting that he was extremely intoxicated.

As the 19-year-old man was taken into custody, he kept shouting at the arresting officer, “I’m not going to be in your fraternity!”

The deputy informed the potential pledge that he was not affiliated with the greek system and arrested him for public intoxication.

The subject seemed upset that the incident was not a joke. He was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed… in a jail, not a frat house.

When Alternate States of Sobriety Collide…
Friday, Oct. 26, 2:03 a.m. – Deputies patrolling the 6700 block of Sabado Tarde Road observed a man pounding on the front door of a residence.

The officer watched the subject stumble over a bike, pick it up, drop it and pick it up again, apparently intent on stealing it.

A resident emerged from the house and told the man to leave the bicycle alone, asking the officer for backup.

The deputy contacted the alleged thief and began questioning him. The 19-year-old subject said that he was just looking for a place to party – perhaps at some Isla Vista bicycle bash.

As questioning continued, the officer asked the man for his phone number and the subject replied, “San Diego.”

The deputy then asked the man for his emergency contact information and the man said, “Single.”

The officer then decided that the two were having completely different conversations, as the subject seemed to be filling out a survey rather than answering the questions. The deputy arrested the man for public intoxication. The man was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed, pending sobriety.

The Trojans Never Learn…
Saturday, Oct. 27, 2:26 a.m. – On the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive, an officer walking by noticed a 20-year-old man sitting on a driveway, slumped forward with his back against a wall.

The officer contacted him and noted that the man was unconscious. The deputy announced his presence and tapped the subject on shoulder three times before he spoke.

Without looking at him, the man, who attends the University of Southern California, acknowledged the officer with a nod.

When the deputy asked the troubled Trojan if he was OK the man said, “yes,” and that he was just sleeping.

When asked how much he had to drink, the wounded warrior admitted, “Quite a bit.”

Forgetting to take a page from history, the man apparently got too drunk while surrounded by his enemies.

The man said he thought he was in Los Angeles and did not even know how he got drunk.

When the deputy asked the man where his friends were, the man did not reply and instead vomited for several minutes on his hands and feet.

The man was arrested for public intoxication and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail where he was kept behind the fortress walls until he learned his lesson.

Never Yell Your Phone Number to Strangers
Sunday, Oct. 21, 2:41 a.m. – A woman was stumbling down the 6500 block of Seville Road, held up by an unknown man.

An officer contacted the pair and asked the woman where she lived. The subject pointed and said, “Right there at 66 Seville.”

The deputy duly noted that no such address exists in I.V., and decided to continue questioning the 19-year-old woman.

When he asked the subject if she knew her companion, who was also intoxicated, she said she only knew his first name. The woman then apparently forgot how to pronounce her new friend’s name.

When the deputy asked her how much she had drank, the subject replied, “I don’t know… but it was a lot.”

The woman was taken to I.V. Foot Patrol office, where the deputy continued questioning her. The woman repeatedly said that her phone number was “714-c-h-a-y.”

She immediately fell asleep after questioning.

The woman was woken up and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail where she was housed, pending sobriety.