Usually I love to be the one to say “I told you so,” but not when it comes to drinking. Except in this case. Last week I told you ways to help prevent hangovers and this week I will help you stubborn and reckless drunks cope with the morning after.
You wake up and your head feels like you slept with headphones on, continuously playing country music. No need to worry: There is help for you.
The first thing you should do when you wake up and feel like shit is to go back to sleep. If you are responsible – meaning you actually go to class or work most of the time – this should not be too difficult to pull off. If you have work early in the morning and you haven’t taken too many days off, call in sick and go back to bed. If you have class, go e-mail your professor or make sure a friend takes good notes for you. The best way to cure the worst part of a hangover is to sleep it off. This method generally works very well. The main problem with this however, arises for those who frequently drink throughout the week. You will get fired or kicked out of school if you sleep in past noon every day because you drink every night. Think of the “sleeping in” method, though, like using the morning-after pill. You should try to use safer, more preventative methods, because if you keep getting too drunk and using this strategy you may wake up with no job and chlamydia. Maybe that analogy didn’t come out correctly, but you get the point.
Another wildly popular method addresses the scientific aspects of a hangover. The crappy feelings from a hangover are due mostly to dehydration and the acetaldehyde your body produced from all the booze you drank. Cysteine counteracts the painful hangover effects caused by the acetaldehyde. You can find cysteine wherever nutritional supplements are sold, or in many high-protein foods such as eggs, milk, yogurt, sausage, chicken, oats and broccoli. Vitamins B and C should also be taken to help replenish your body’s lost vitamins. Consuming cysteine and vitamins should take care of the nausea and most other hangover feelings. If you still have a gnarly headache, pop a couple Asprin and you will be fine.
In combination with replenishing your body’s nutrients, you should replenish your body’s electrolytes. Drinking Gatorade will help hydrate your body and restore those electrolytes. If you can stand the bland taste, Pedialyte works great too. It’s not just for kids with diarrhea – it works for hungover college students too. “More Pedialyte, please!”
This general, scientific method has worked wonders for me, but I’ve also heard of an “Isla Vista method” to curing hangovers. This method states that smoking weed and eating greasy food instantly cures a hangover. If you wake up and can’t find any vitamins or health food, smoke a bowl and head over to Déjà Vu instead. I don’t know if there is any scientific proof to back this, but I definitely feel instantly better after a little wake’n’bake.
Another method that I’ve tried I learned in Rosarito, Mexico. I applied it this past weekend during my annual trip of debauchery and alcoholism. I first discovered this method four years ago in Rosarito when I read a sign at a bar that said “Avoid hangovers, stay drunk!” I decided to use this method all weekend long. Even though this Rosarito method works, it is probably the unhealthiest method and is only delaying the inevitable. On Tuesday morning I felt Saturday’s hangover, Sunday’s hangover, and Monday’s hangover. Luckily I applied the Isla Vista method.
After last week’s article on how to prevent hangovers, and this one on how to cure them, I don’t want to hear any more bitching about drinking when you have stuff to do the next morning. Now you don’t have an excuse to not get jacked up during the week.