No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problem… Right?
Friday, Oct. 26, 1:53 a.m. – An officer observed a woman staggering from side to side, westbound on the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive.

The subject stumbled up a short embankment to a residence, where she diligently attempted to sit on a picnic bench, and unfortunately fell to the ground.

Not one to succumb to failure on the first attempt, the woman stood back up and, this time, pulled off a perfect plop onto the picnic table.

When a deputy approached the woman, she preempted his probing and proclaimed, “I know, I know. I’m fine. I’ve had four shots, but I don’t know.”

When the officer managed to get a word in edgewise, he asked the subject where she lived and the 20-year-old woman replied, “I live a lot of places.”

In his report, the officer noted as evidence of the subject’s extreme intoxication that her tan dress was disheveled and her top was open, nearly exposing her breasts.

Evidently, the reporting deputy did not understand the Isla Vista Halloween dress code.

The woman was arrested for public intoxication and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was housed pending sobriety.

Out of Her League
Saturday, Oct. 27, 11:04 p.m. – On the 6700 block of Trigo Road, a deputy observed a woman wearing a Washington Wizards jersey charge into a group of people and lose her balance.

The woman, apparently incised over the foul, turned around and yelled at the group and continued traveling down the lane.

That is, until an Isla Vista referee stopped her in her tracks. Noticing a strong odor of alcohol, an officer stopped the woman and took her out of the game.

The deputy sat the woman on the curb and began questioning her, only to learn that she was 17 years old.

The officer informed the player that she was too young to drink alcohol, to which she countered, “Yeah, but it is Isla Vista.”

The rules of the game are the same everywhere, and the deputy said he thought the Wizard had too much to drink. The subject shot back, “Yeah, but so has everyone else.”

This defense did not work, and the officer asked if the woman had any friends who could help her home. The subject said she drove to I.V. with her sister, but when the officers asked where her teammate was, the woman said, “I don’t know, she walked away from me.”

This was then game over for the underage Wizard, who was arrested for public intoxication and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was housed pending sobriety.

I’m the Baby… Gotta Love Me
Saturday, Oct. 27, 11:28 p.m. – Officers watched a 300 pound wearing a diaper with a pacifier in his mouth being escorted down Camino Corto by a friend.

An officer who observed the man noted that he was filthy and said it appeared that the big baby had fallen into a pile of dirt and rolled around in it.

After watching the man stumble away from his friend and bounce into a parked car, a deputy stopped the duo and began questioning the 19-year-old man.

The troubled toddler started whining to the deputies, repeating that he was not drunk, despite his inability to stand on his own, which the officers decided not to attribute to his infantile alter ego.

The man had no identification and no money for a cab to transport him to his home downtown. The man would not tell officers how old he was and refused to hold up the appropriate number of fingers. The man was drooling, slurring words and leaning against the patrol unit to keep from falling down.

Officers arrested the childish culprit and transported him to the Santa Barbara County Jail where he took a nap.