Here I was dressed as Hermione walking around in I.V. Friday night of Halloween, when I spotted some keys on a bus stop bench. Being the good person that I am, and not at all due to the fact that I had been drinking, I decided I had to return the keys to their rightful owner, who I now realize could be anywhere.

But according to this guy’s keychains, Stephen <3's New York and Las Vegas, frequents Ralphs and Albertsons, is a member of Borders Rewards and has a GNC Gold Card. Therefore, I can only assume I'm dealing with a guy who likes to be a big city tourist, eats food, is well-read but likes to save money, all while enjoying the occasional nutritional protein powder mixed drink. The random leather Kenneth Cole Reaction keychain suggests it probably came free with a matching wallet. Good fashion sense, or a sucker for anything with a key ring? He also drives a Ford, but the engraved silver Mercedes-Benz medallion from CalStar Motors says he's a dreamer with hopes and aspirations. CalStar Motors also happens to be in the city where I'm from... coincidence I find Stevie's keys? I think not. He apparently also lives in like, five different houses, or at least has key access to them... and a mailbox. They are on a Nautica lanyard that he should have been wearing around his neck, but I dunno, maybe it clashed with his costume... And there may be DNA on his Las Vegas nail clipper keychain to identify him, not sure... any bio majors want a go at it? I kid. I've realized keys say a lot about a person, and this is kind of silly. But if this sounds like someone you might know, let me know. Or spread the word to all the Stephens you know... or else I'm just going to drop them off at the grocery store later where they won't care as much as I do. Thanks![printicon align="left"]