Maybe He Should Go Back to Sesame Street
Sunday, Oct. 7, 12:29 a.m. – Two deputies patrolling the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive saw a man walking around the corner of an apartment complex while a second man played lookout so his companion could urinate.
As the officers approached, the guard sounded the alarm, yelling repeatedly for his friend to stop peeing and zip up his pants.
The word came too late and a deputy got to the pissing perpetrator before he even finished the task at hand.
After the 19-year-old man finished, the officers took him to the curb, noticed a strong odor of alcohol and began questioning.
The man told the officers that he was a student at Santa Barbara City College. The deputy told him that he himself was “a proud graduate of SBCC” and then asked the subject to repeat his ABC’s.
The man did not seem to know the alphabet but happily repeated, “I’m from SBCC. I am a proud graduate.”
He then told officers he lived at “R690” on “I.V. Cascadero. … Cascadero Estibero.”
The man was arrested for public intoxication and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.
14 Tequila, 15 Tequila, 16 Tequila… Sidewalk
Thursday, Oct. 11, 10:52 a.m. – A deputy observed a 21-year-old man wobbling down Sabado Tarde Road when he stumbled on the sidewalk.
When he fell to the ground, a large half-empty bottle of Jose Cuervo flew out of his arms. Thankfully, it remained unbroken.
The man’s lucky streak ended there, though, as the officer picked up and dumped out the tequila.
The subject explained to the officer, “It’s okay for me to be drunk. I’m over 21.”
Despite his age, the man was breaking two laws – possession of an open container of alcohol and obvious public intoxication – so the officer arrested him.
While at the IVFP station waiting for transfer to jail, the man alternated between lying on the floor and sitting in the chair, apparently trying to find the most comfortable position.
Soon the man was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.
I Would Walk 500 Miles… But Not with Her
Thursday, Oct. 11, 12:40 a.m. – Officers standing on Camino del Sur observed a woman staggering northbound down the road, stumbling and walking into parked vehicles.
An officer attempted to contact the 20-year-old woman, but she turned and ran away, but only for a brief moment. The fleeing fugitive managed to get less than half a block before the deputy detained her and placed her on the curb.
During an intoxicating interrogation, the woman said she did not know where she lived and slurred out several incorrect addresses as she tried to identify her current location.
While the woman said she had “nothing” to drink, she was uncooperative and combatant, and the deputy had to place her face down and cuff her.
During the arrest, an unknown man, who was apparently a victim of the directionally challenged woman, thanked the officer for taking the loaded lady off his hands, saying, “We’ve been walking in circles for hours.”
At the Isla Vista Foot Patrol station, an officer had to remove chairs from the booking room to keep her from climbing and stumbling over them.
The woman was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was housed, pending sobriety.
Saturday, Oct. 13, 3:21 p.m. – A 20-year-old man was staggering around the 6500 block of DP, looking for Freebirds, when a deputy contacted him.
The officer asked the man where he was going, to which the man replied, “I’m from San Diego, I don’t know.”
He then appeared as if he were about to topple over, so the deputy grabbed his arm to keep him on his feet.
The man then told the officer that he had no friends in “I.P.” and had had eight beers that afternoon.
For the man’s safety, he was arrested for public intoxication. He was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.