3:10 to Yuma Jail
Saturday, Oct. 6, 12:54 a.m. – An officer was conducting a traffic stop on Embarcadero Del Norte with his partner when he observed a man 25 feet behind him jumping on an electrical box.

The deputy watched the jumping Jack for a few seconds before he saw the man straddle the utility box and ride it as if he were riding a horse.

The 20-year-old man was swaying forward and back, simulating a scene from the Wild West, all the while on the verge of falling off the box.

The officer contacted the cowboy, who slid off the box and fell onto the deputy, who then had to grab the wasted wrangler to keep him from hitting the ground.

The man was arrested for public intoxication. As the officer walked the subject to his patrol vehicle, the belligerent bronco began yelling incoherent words.

He then got angry with the officer, who he accused of ruining his “stunt” while he was “trying to impress the chicks.”

Saving the man from any woman who would fall for such bravado, the cowboy was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.

No Freebies at Freebirds!
Saturday, Oct. 6, 2:30 a.m. – Officers walking along Embarcadero del Norte overheard what sounded like a fight.

Upon further investigation, the deputy determined that a Freebirds employee was detaining a 20-year-old man who was attempting to break out with an unpaid-for burrito in tow.

The officer detained the subject, who reeked of alcohol and whose eyes were bloodshot and watery. The man was unable to maintain balance, and officers had to restrain him to prevent him from falling over.

The burrito burglar was then arrested for public intoxication and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.

Hell Hath No Fury Like a (Drunk) Woman Scorned
Friday, Oct. 5, 11:00 p.m. – An officer standing on the 6500 block of Del Playa Drive observed a woman staggering down the sidewalk by herself.

As the deputy approached to check on her welfare, the 18-year-old woman yelled, “I hate you, get away from me.”

The officer identified himself and said he was only trying to help her before asking the woman what was wrong.

The subject told him that she was having the “worst day of [her] life” because her boyfriend had just broken up with her.

When he asked her where she was going, the woman said she was headed home to 989 Abrego Rd., a non-existent address. He then asked her how much alcohol she had consumed, and she said “none,” despite exhibiting several signs of intoxication.

When asked what year she was born, the heartbroken honey replied, “1929.”

Because the woman had no friends to look after her, the deputy decided to arrest her for her own safety.

During booking, the woman repeatedly lied about her age and expressed her distaste for the IVFP officers, saying “I am 19. I fucking hate you guys… I hate you, leave me alone.”

As the woman was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, she would switch between crying uncontrollably to yelling and acting belligerent. For the safety of other detainees, she was placed in her own cell.

Whiskey Bent and Jail Bound
Saturday, Oct. 6, 12:19 a.m. – An officer patrolling the 6500 block of Del Playa Drive noticed a 21-year-old man stumbling in the way of oncoming traffic.

When contacted, the swaggering subject was mumbling incoherently and was unable to answer simple questions.

Eventually he said to the deputy, “I’m drunk, you can arrest me if you want.”

The officer obliged, but was unaware that the easy arrest would become such a hassle. During transport, the subject began vomiting, which continued all the way to the IVFP office.

During booking, the man was unable to walk on his own, unable to focus his eyes and gave conflicting information about his identity, confusing his phone and social security numbers.

The man was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.