In these last few weeks before you have to load up Mom’s minivan and make the drive here to UCSB, let me give you an packing important tip: Leave your romantic baggage at home. Coming to college with a long distance relationship will cause unnecessary clutter and stress in your life.

Firstly, you just won’t have the time to really dedicate yourself to them. Guaranteed your schedule won’t match that of your high school sweetie. Thus you will find yourself trying to relay the week’s events while bicycling between classes, balancing your cell phone in one hand and your latte in the other. This will lead to an inevitable accident and you as road kill – all in the name of love. And let me tell you, road rash will not match your perfect party outfit and it is nearly impossible to complete a successful keg stand in a body cast.

Secondly, the trust issue will come back to haunt you. No matter how long you have been with your boo, or how faithful you have stayed since the two of you got together, there will always be a big elephant in the room when it comes to trust. Especially since most of the dorms on campus are co-ed. You will find yourself being questioned as to who you are hanging out with, who you are meeting at parties and the like. Cut off the old ball and chain now and avoid the third degree later. You will be glad that you did.

Thirdly, you are coming to a school oozing with eligible playmates. You can find yourself another significant other, or you can decide to skip the entire laborious effort of establishing a relationship and go straight for the horizontal mambo (just don’t forget the rubbers).

This is UCSB, and the possibilities are endless. Welcome.