Summer – the sun is shining and everyone just seems happier. Any day of the week, you can find countless people drinking and chillin’ at the beach. The sexy student bodies are proudly displayed in board shorts and bikinis. But what about the people who packed on a few pounds from a year of constant boozing? Hopefully this article will help them understand what exactly a beer belly is and how to get rid of it.
The first and easiest way to get rid of a beer belly is liposuction. I don’t really know anything about that, and it is probably expensive, so I will skip to the second easiest way. If you want to get rid of excess body fat, just don’t eat. If you do eat, go throw up afterwards. This will surely get your body looking like a skeleton in no time. However, like liposuction, I do not recommend this drastic and unhealthy method.
Actually, all you have to do is balance your alcoholism with healthy eating habits and some gym time. Combine weight lifting exercises with aerobics and you will see results within a few weeks. I recommend going to the gym and lifting weights on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Then, go run, swim or ride a bike for 60 minutes on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Make sure to eat healthy food during the day and try to suppress those drunken Freebirds cravings at 2 a.m. Eating healthy food and exercising regularly is the best way to cure your beer belly and/or cottage cheese disease.
You probably already know most of what I just said, but you might not know the actual reason that drinking alcohol can make you fat. Most alcoholic drinks don’t actually contain that much fat. Only a small portion of alcohol is converted into fat when it enters your body. After that, your liver converts most of the alcohol into acetate. The acetate is released in your bloodstream and replaces fat as a source of fuel. This, in combination with the fact that alcohol can increase your appetite, causes you to gain weight when you drink frequently. Another mistake people make, including myself, is eating a small dinner or not eating dinner at all. Usually I end up blacking out and looking at my bank account the next day to discover that I ate an entire monster burrito. If you don’t eat a regular-sized meal before drinking, you will get hungry later and probably munch on a shitload of unhealthy food.
Now I know despite all of this information, you’re all still going to get drunk quite frequently. To help minimize your calorie intake while boozing, keep some facts in mind. A regular beer has about 150 calories where as a light beer has about 110. Stick to drinking light beers, even if they taste watered down. We’re still young, and most of the time, we just want to get fucked up, so sacrificing taste shouldn’t be too bad. A glass of wine has about the same alcohol content as a beer and has only about 100 calories. If you don’t mind the taste of wine, grab a bottle of Two Buck Chuck instead of a six-pack. A shot of 80 proof gin, rum, vodka or whiskey will usually run between 115-200 calories. If you can stand a shot without a chaser or mixer, this is probably your lowest calorie intake for one “drink.” Mixed drinks are delicious, but they tend to contain the most calories. Depending on what you make it with, a martini has about 160, a margarita has 250 and a Long Island Iced Tea has 350 calories. Although they have more calories, they can also be stronger, so there is not always a huge difference. To sum it up, stick with light beer, wine and shots. If you have to use a mixer or chaser, try to use diet or light liquids.
I hope this column is helpful. I know it is hard to change your diet and lifestyle when you are surrounded by some of the greatest partiers in the nation. Just remember to balance all of the empty calories you intake from alcohol with a healthy diet and exercise and you will be all right. As for me, I look six months pregnant, so I’m going to the gym now.