In my opinion, there are few things better about UCSB than summertime in Isla Vista. Many of us know and love this amazing time of the year, but for the people who finally decided that their hometown has nothing to offer them compared to Isla Vista, congratulations: You made the right choice. There’s parking everywhere, the parties are laid back and ridiculously fun, the police force is less noticeable and everyone who went home will come back swearing they will never make the same mistake again. Summertime also brings another incredible gift to all of us lucky enough to be here for it: people who will only be here until September. That’s right, a wealth of students, freshmen in town for orientation and resident slackers that you can bone until your heart is content and you will never have to see again, hopefully.

Two great reasons to find a fuck buddy during the summer are convenience and timing. Some people are leaving at the end of the summer while others are staying for Fall Quarter. Regardless of your situation, though, there’s a chinga amigo or amiga that is right for you – the ideal booty call being one that you might never see again. Now, you might think I’m an asshole for saying this, but the very best thing about having this so-called “friend with benefits” is that you can boot him or her out the door whenever you need to. One of you is leaving at the end of the summer, so if things go awry, which is most likely going to happen, it’s not a huge deal because you only have to put up with it for a couple months at the most. Two months spent living next to the girl who kicked you out of her bed for “accidentally” slipping into her ass is certainly better than a full year. Having a bad hookup that hangs around you is like having your grandma give you an ugly sweater for Christmas: You have to be gracious when accepting it, and then wear it whenever she is around. In the case of an Isla Vista summer, this sweater leaves your wardrobe and is never seen or heard from again.

Another reason one might have for finding a buddy to ride is the opportunity of nude foreigners. We’ll do this like the presidential debates: raise your hand if you ever wanted to have a crazy European sex odyssey. Okay, good, probably a higher percentage of you want this than the percentage of Republicans who believe in evolution. Well, if you’re like the vast majority of college students, you can’t afford to travel over to Amsterdam to satisfy your lust. Luckily, Isla Vista is another option, because the farthest you could possibly have to travel for epic European coitus is half a mile. Many Europeans, especially the Irish, flock to Isla Vista during the summer. Like you, they are probably down for a summer partner that they will likely not have to see again. An added bonus is that if you really hit it off with them, you have a place to crash and get some action next time you visit the land of potatoes.

One final reason – if it’s possible to ever have too many reasons to have sex with people – is that sex in the summer is a time for experimentation, self-indulgence and practice. If you want to try something new, spring the question on your newfound friend and see what he or she thinks. Your fuck buddy might have been dying to try the same thing without any strings attached. The worst that could happen is that he leaves your house knowing you like a nice golden shower, but he won’t be around long enough to tell your friends. The best-case scenario is that you’re involved in more water sports than Michael Phelps. Essentially, it’s a win-win situation with new sexual experiences and partners.

In any case, enjoy your summer in Isla Vista. There are half naked people running around everywhere, the girls have Brazilian waxes and the beer is always flowing. Hmm, now I remember why I’m taking five years to graduate.