Gripped (to a Staircase) with Fear
Friday, Feb. 9, 8:48 p.m. – Two deputies responded to a call from a woman on the 6500 block of Cordoba Road.

The woman reported that a 22-year-old boozed up boy was attempting to enter her apartment, and she could not shoo away the shoeless subject.

When officers arrived at the scene, they found the very non-threatening trespasser gripping tightly to the stair rail, refusing to move because he was extremely unbalanced.

A deputy asked the man where he lived, receiving no answer. He then asked the man why he was wearing only one shoe, to which the man mumbled an incoherent response.

When asked how much he had had to drink, the man admitted to drinking, “ish.” Later clarifying his response, the man confessed that he drank “a lot” of alcohol.

The man was arrested for public intoxication and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.

Not a Drug Dealer – A Service Provider, Please.
Wednesday, Feb. 7, 2:05 p.m. – An officer pulled over a vehicle with expired registration tags on the 6700 block of El Colegio Road and contacted the driver, immediately detecting the strong smell of marijuana.

After the deputy repeatedly asked the 32-year-old man if there was any pot present in the car, the man told him, “Well, I don’t know if there is any marijuana in the vehicle” before pulling an ounce of weed from his backpack.

As he pulled out the herb, a bag containing a white substance and some pills fell onto the floor, and the officer heard the man say, “Oh, I’m in trouble.”

As the officer arrested the man, he asked him to confirm what the white substance was and the man explained, “It is cocaine, but it is just a little bit for personal use.”

When the deputy asked the subject if he was selling the large quantity of marijuana, the man vehemently denied such activity, saying, “No! I share it with my friends.”

Despite the man’s generous nature, the officer decided that transporting and possessing cocaine and marijuana was too illegal to overlook, and arrested him.

Drunk, Dyslexic and Doin’ Time
Saturday, Feb. 10, 12:01 a.m. – While busy ticketing a man seated on the curb of Sabado Tarde Road, an IVFP officer observed a woman stagger down the sidewalk and nearly trip over the seated subject.

The woman continued down the street, and the deputy put her out of his mind… until about a minute later when she wobbled back toward him.

As the 18-year-old subject approached the officer, he detected the strong odor of the infamous Isla Vista Brand perfume (more commonly known as alcohol).

The deputy decided to stop the woman after watching her fall sideways into a chain link fence, twice.

During questioning, the woman admitted to drinking five shots of Captain Morgan in the last hour.

The officer told the liquored up lady that he believed she was too intoxicated to be in public and asked her if she knew where she was.

The woman convincingly told the deputy, “I’m sotally tober. I’m not even drunk right now. I’m at Camino del Playa… I mean Embarcadero del Sur.”

After muddling the four separate street names, the woman demanded a breathalyzer test, and started crying when the officer told her that it was not necessary, since she was plainly plastered.

The woman was arrested for public intoxication, and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was housed, pending sobriety.