Alcohol is unfortunately illegal to carry around and drink on the streets of Isla Vista. It is also not allowed at most theaters or workplaces. There is not too much we can do to change these laws and rules, but we can get better at breaking them.

The movie theaters are a prime location to sneak in booze. Before entering the theaters, go pick up a flask-sized bottle of liquor. If you go to the nearby Camino Real Cinema, there is a Rite Aid nearby that has a 13 oz. bottle of Borski Vodka for three bucks. Also, Keg N’ Bottle sells similar size bottles of cheap vodka for two or three bucks. Once you have attained your alcohol, you need to find a place to stash it. Stuffing it down your crotch has worked many times for me, but it is very uncomfortable and causes one to walk like a conspicuous gangster. The easiest solution is to bring a purse if you are a chick, or bring a girl with a purse if you are a guy. Purses never get searched at the theaters and can easily store a few flasks or beers. Keep in mind when selecting a movie not to see a movie like “Children of Men” or “Pan’s Labyrinth” where everyone dies in the end, otherwise the audience will be wondering why a group of young adults are crying like infants with no nipples to suck on.

Work sucks, but if you sneak enough intoxicants in to get buzzed you can really pass the time. I’ll keep this section hypothetical since my boss reads the Nexus. Drinking on the job is a horrible idea, but just in case, I have a few ideas for you to try. An easy option is to take any large cup from a fast food restaurant and fill it with a cocktail. Jack in the Box is ideal since they have those thick blue straws. You can drink wine, beer, whiskey or any abstract color of liquor through one of those straws and it will appear to be coke. While these treats are great year round, you can also make a delicious alcoholic treat during this cold winter. Mix some hot cocoa from a coffee shop, such as Java Jones or Starbucks, with some peppermint schnapps. Make sure you leave it in the coffee cup and no one will know that you are happy at work due to your secret concoction.

Walking around I.V. with alcohol is very difficult, but still possible. If it is during the day, you will probably be ok with a water bottle filled with vodka or a fadorade – which is a Gatorade bottle filled with part Gatorade and part liquor. But if it’s night, you will have to be a little trickier. Cops know that if it is past nine and you are wearing your skimpy downtown dress or jeans and a button up shirt, chances are you are going to go party. They also know that whatever drink you are carrying probably has alcohol in it. This is why you have to go with fruit. As I mentioned in a previous article, injecting vodka is not a good idea unless you inject it into fruit. Oranges and grapefruits are easy to inject, just spread the vodka around inside with a syringe. When you are ready, peel and eat as you walk to Bill’s Bus or Del Playa Drive. Cops would never suspect that you are eating an orange saturated in vodka. With a little more preparation, a vodka watermelon can be utilized in the same manner. All you need is a bottle of good vodka, a funnel and a watermelon. Cut a hole in the top of the watermelon big enough to stick a funnel in and put the funnel in the watermelon. Fill the funnel with vodka and wait a few hours. Check back on the watermelon every few hours and fill the funnel again until the vodka is all in the watermelon. Slice up the watermelon, eat and get drunk.