What do Prince, pass interference and illegal gambling all have in common? The Super Bowl, of course. And unless you were hiding in a hole, or intentionally avoiding it, you probably spent your Sunday watching the big game. There’s also a good chance you gave in to the pleasures of cheap beer, chips and salsa. Or maybe, if you were feeling brave, you delved into some of that processed bean dip. It all depends on how drunk you were and whether or not your team was winning. But don’t feel alone. Each year, roughly 90 million Americans gather together to watch the Super Bowl, which makes it the most-viewed event on television. Even President Bush can’t compete with those ratings – and his State of the Union address is broadcast on every other channel.

The best part about the Super Bowl is how it attracts people who know nothing about the sport. Sure, 90 million people watch, but how many actually know anything about football? If Peyton Manning wasn’t in every second commercial, I doubt more than a third of the people watching could even tell you a player’s name on either team. Plus, the vast majority of those enjoying the game don’t care about the outcome. And if they do, it’s only because they bet on one team. People watch, myself included, to get drunk, munch on horribly awesome food and hopefully enjoy a good game. The best place to do this is at a friend’s house, with as few women around as possible, in front of a big screen TV. I mention women here, because for the most part, they know absolutely nothing about the game. Yes, there’s always that one girl who makes a point of showing off how she knows the ins and outs of football. But the rest just bug the crap out of the guys who are trying to figure out how many sips of beer they’re supposed to take when there’s a turnover.

Even though everyone who’s anyone watches the Super Bowl, most people don’t remember anything about the game. It took me a few minutes to remember that Pittsburgh won last year, and about two hours to figure out Carolina lost. If there’s one thing people do remember though, it’s the commercials. Every year there’s some ridiculous ad that instantly becomes the talk of the town. With 90 million people watching, it’s not a surprise advertisers spend $6 million on their ads. What’s really funny, though, is the one ad every year that is completely unprofessional. This year, some douche bag spent $6 million just so he could propose to his girlfriend on national television. I really hope she says no so I can have an excuse to go laugh at him. If I had $6 million to spend, I would buy pounds and pounds of marijuana, fill my house with it and then light it on fire, getting everyone in a square mile stoned. It would kind of be like the ending scene in “Real Geniuses” where Val Kilmer makes a house overflow with popcorn. But better.