Big, bright, blossoming, behemoth-sized tulips for the UCSB men’s soccer team for defeating UCLA and taking home its first NCAA Championship.

Slimy, scum-covered turds to Conquest Student Housing for the heinous poopscapade they caused by covering their involvement in the eviction of several Isla Vista families.

Heavenly, high-hovering tulips to Bill Clinton and Jon Stewart for coming to Santa Barbara.

Rancid, revolting, chocolate hot dog turds to Students’ Initiative for bundling and raising our fees an extra $100 plus per student per quarter.

Tall, triumphantly tenacious tulips to student activists for rallying and supporting the Cedarwood families.

Fat, fiery, fudge, dragon turds to the Santa Barbara County Board of Supervisors for creating a Halloween committee without any input from students.

Charismatically chipper tulips to EMTs for all their hard work and great response time over Halloween weekend.

Long, life-sucking turds to Wendy McCaw for ruining the Santa Barbara News Press.

Tulips to Chancellor Henry T. Yang and his show of support for the Cedarwood families as well as the UCSB men’s soccer team.