Okay, I’ll be nice: Someone stole a chicken from the Newman Co-Op’s backyard, and they want it back. Call the co-op main office at (805) 685-6964 if you have any information or if you need a better description of the missing chicken, such as how tasty it could potentially be. The co-op won’t press charges if you return it.

Now that I’ve done my public service announcement, I want to level with you guys. It’s either getting plucked and peppered up for dinner right now or it’s with the Animal Liberation Front, getting plucked and peppered up for a dinner date. My recommendation? Teach the other chickens “Stranger Danger!” and cut your losses.

Thursday’s Forecast: Some of Biko’s prime “crops” go missing.